it felt so right; they lied.

Thursday, May 27, 2004

Wednesday, 260504

mommy got admitted today and i'm all alone now, in this quiet house. will be heading down to sgh tomorrow morning and the day after and after till she's discharged. am not heading for school. really dont have the mood and there's so many things waiting for me to do at home. need to clear some stuffs. get things ready for tomorrow. am really worried now. dammit. first time in life, i feel so helpless.

and when i needed someone, you weren't there.

`lost

buy me a tiara and some stars;
12:15:00 AM

Tuesday, May 25, 2004

if i gave up today,
would all my mistakes be erased?

things have been really depressing recently and my dear mommy has not recovered, yet. dammit.
how i wished things were like before. i dont wanna grow up. i want my childhood freedoms. i want those joys from before. i want to be in mommy's arms once again. i want that innocence. i want to see her smile once more. i want to go back and erase every wrong i made. i'm sorry, mum. please get well soon, for me at least. it hurts to see you taking pills after pills and it's so sad to see you come home half way through work looking so ill and tired. i want to know about your day. i want you to tell me things. i want to see you laugh again. get well soon, this i beg of you, please.

`pierced

buy me a tiara and some stars;
6:05:00 PM

Monday, May 24, 2004

i've been fucking lazy. didnt head for school again.
dammit. ahahahas.
didnt wanna bother mummy to iron my uniform this morning.. part of my reason why i didnt head for school.
got up early this morning.
spent a total of 15 and a half hours in bed, sleeping.
ironed my uniform and swept the floor. done some housey work, at least :) it's amazing how some people could do things to others without identifying themselves and fancy calling itself: garbage. whoo! that's 10 points for you, my dear! you possess superb confidence, i admire you. :) fuck off, you ass.

my mum's still sick! sad case, yeah.
i'm a gigolo spending lots of dough.
awww, how i love this song. :)
and nope, i'm no gigolo. im not part of the male species. :)
i'm happy with my gender.
i do not have a gender crisis. i love my skirts and fitting tops. i love my bras. but somedays, i feel sporty. that's when my love for jeans and pants come in. :)
i'll work out, soon. i promise.

been getting lots of weird messages on friendster recently.
why, why, why?
dammit. ahahas.
whatever. i'm getting my bath now.

`nothing makes sense anymore

buy me a tiara and some stars;
4:34:00 PM

Sunday, May 23, 2004

was too tired to come online and blog yesterday. bahahas
went shopping with leen.
didnt head for school to check results.
was too lazy to wake up early, take a train then a bus to school to attend assembly then check results.
im not that dumb to travel all the way from yishun to lorong ah soo just to check results.
bahahas. i've got better things to do =)

bought a top and skirt yesterday.
more to come.. soon. i hope.
woke up early this morning.
watch spongebob!
ahahaha. spongebob's so adorable. =))

some horny bastard sent me a msg on friendster.
yucks lorr!
wont include details. hahas.
i'll show you peeps the msg in school if ya want.
ah! i feel like eating mac's breakfast!! but apparently, i've got no money......
ahahahaas.

i've forged some new bonds.
and sometimes,
new ones are better than old ones.
happiness is often short-lived.

`lost phantom ships

buy me a tiara and some stars;
10:04:00 AM

Friday, May 21, 2004

i changed the colors! haha
doesnt really match. but who cares?!
everyone must tag when passing by whether you like me or hate me.
ba! i'm so lame.
mummy's sick. keep her in your prayers ya? please? :)

buy me a tiara and some stars;
11:58:00 PM

you're the closest to heaven i'll ever be :)
and i dont want to lose you right now.
all i want is for you to know who i am.

got back results.
was rather alright.. on the account that i was slacking all these while. have been asking people around if they seen me studying..
and their answer was a straight 'no' can.
pengs.
well, it's true :) i never studied. i failed my math, as usual, and bio.
bio was by.. 3 marks i think. dammit.
whatever la. combined with chem.. i still fail. but plus CA1, i should be able to pass. so, yeah.
was really suprised with my combined humanities. amazing.... i passed. geog paper.. most were guesses. social studies, left one whole question out. it was 7 marks. and i still passed my ss. had a few full marks here and there. i'm fucking lucky to be able to pass. ahahaha.
but still, the passes were borderline.
which means, i slacked alot. from straight a's for english to a b4. science was an a2 before. now it's a d. and my literature.....!! dammit. used to score a's and now?! c6?! what the fuck? but. whatver la. it's over. no point crying or regretting not studying. my entry today has lots of singlish.
whahaha.

english compo was kinda.. good? i suppose. got 20. wrote thousand four hundred over words. used two pieces of paper.. one and a half pages. i'm so wonderful. i saved lots of trees...
i want to eat orange julius!
crapped so much today! all the green pi sai and stuff. came up with stupid songs.

I wanna be like a pi sai!
(sung to the tune of this christian song that goes, "i wanna be like a tree. planted by the water...")

I wanna be like a pi sai,
planted by the mucus.
trusting in my nose hair to keep it strong!

that's where it ends. have not thought of the rest yet. it's so stupid.

`a broken promise

buy me a tiara and some stars;
4:50:00 PM

Thursday, May 20, 2004

-screams-
i didnt head for school today, again!
temptations drew me back. hur hur. couldnt pull myself outta bed. im guilty! irc's lagging like fuck. please, i need songs. it's so boring, please. i've got nothing to do. school's a bore as well. i am throwing my life away here infront of the computer. dammit. ahahaha. i miss you peeps!! loads!
hey, town on saturday? i want to hit some stalls when the great sg sale arrives!! i feel the urge to strike some stuffs off my wish list. it's getting way too long and it irritates the shit outta me. i need some new shoes. a new handphone. new clothes. new fragrance. new acessories. makeup. notice, it's a need. not a want. fine, fine. whatever la, right.
oh, my cousie's so adorable! and my hp bill. dammit. i knew it went up. dont show me attitude la. so what if you're paying my bill..?! whatever la, huh.
ooh! cookie, cookie, cookie starts with C!

i dont know how you do what you do, im so in love with you.
i'm everything i am..

`because you loved me

buy me a tiara and some stars;
10:18:00 AM

Tuesday, May 18, 2004

been slacking alot these two days. was with lover most of the time. school's boring.
and the fucked up managment made me buy a new uniform. whatever la. you want money, just say. dont have to think of excuses to make me buy a new uniform. go to hell with your papa's bell.

I AM NOT GOING TO SCHOOL TOMORROW.
no point la, it's so boring, please?!
tomorrow there's telematch.. inter-class. no recess. sadist can.
telematch's partly why i dont wanna go to school.
and besides, there's nothing to do.
but slack.
i've slack too much already, please.

saw this fat bastard at compass yesterday.
he was... YUCK.
welcome to the yuck² family, fat bastard.
he was disgusting.
had gelled-to-the-scalp hair, buttoned his shirt all the way- showing off his fats, on his neck.
yucks lorr.
disgusting freak.
was at bishan before that, went around looking at stuff and i saw this spongebob toy!
i want, i want, i want!!
it's gone... today.
sadness la.

ate long john's. some idiot's plate flew off his tray.
stupid.
i can sue long john's for causing CFCs thus depleting the ozone layer. one reason why im hardly at long john's cause of the plastic cutlery. it sucks. =)

i shall have mac's tomorrow.. for breakfast. =)
mmm. cant wait. been craving for some macDonald's breakfast lately. dont ask me why. i dont know.
mei has a serious crush on eh-hems.
and she met her only once. ahahaha.
funny pig ass.
dino has a serious problem with ugly duckling.
and it lies with her lips.
whatever la, zu.
as quoted from zu, dino:

"..face of an angel, mind of a bitch."

`emotions disturbed

buy me a tiara and some stars;
5:20:00 PM

Sunday, May 16, 2004

`perfectio in spirtu ut amem et foveam

buy me a tiara and some stars;
8:04:00 PM

Saturday, May 15, 2004

`im not the one you knew back in junior high.
what i do is none of your concern.
who i am is not one of your dangling issues.
back off.
that's all you need to do.

the skies are grey.
it's time for the rain to wash away all pain.
waving goodbye to yesterdays,
im blinded by tears that's on your face.
memories will play on like a film without sound,
goodbye to you, my love, my evermore.

slept real early yesterday.
fell asleep on the couch.
days before,
reminised about certain yesterdays.
never knew how much these yesterdays hurt.
i never meant to cry.

i was rather temperamental back then.
totally unpredictable.
i wanted things my way.
that phrase's all over now.
created new bonds with people.
i am happy where i stand today.

`delirium

buy me a tiara and some stars;
6:20:00 PM

Friday, May 14, 2004

im so fucking shagged.
walked for a long, long time. from the mrt station to taka, to heerens, to far east, to cine, back to taka, then to far east again. and finally, the mrt station. just imagine that distance man. im officially announcing, im shagged.
very.
shagged.
becca was such an embarrassment. i was too. and i was being such a turn off........! but it was funny la.
exams are finally over. yes, finally. it didnt felt like i was having exams though. just felt like it was some major test or something.
took prints, prints and more prints. we had some much time to design. the design was shitifed. whagaga. meant to be that way.

man, i got caught today for my uniform. dammit. birdy can just fark off. i dont wanna wear a uniform which is so tight that my fats spills out. i dont wanna look like birdy. and she said yuen's pinafore was baggy. then she said that she couldnt fit into a size 40. birdy was saying even enormous bird can. which i seriously doubt so. cause 38's not baggy for me. and if i was to stand behind enourmous bird, i bet you cant see me at all. so how on earth can she fit into a size 40?! birdy, you gave us the wrong definition. maybe she could fit.... but it cant be zipped. and her fats spills out. and she said my pinafore's like a mini skirt. hello?! it's at the KNEE. do you need me to give you a definition of short?! kiss my ass man.
urgh. i hate this school. i really, really do. if it wasn't for my clique, i wouldnt be in this fucked up school. no way man. they handle stuff with biasness. and they discriminate normal a. pupils. and why are we always the ones with numerous spot checks?! it's always our class man. this school gets on my nerves............

i think the outing's still on.
i asked him.. he said your instructor's not available.
ahaha. so yep. i dont know when la. cause i do not keep in contact with her.. only occasional visits to her blog. yeps.
things are that bad la. i tell you everything when i see you. if i get to see you that is.

lick my neh neh poks. poks, poks, poks, poks!
tee your wah.
pang your ngiao.
tee your wah sounds like someone's picking his nose or something.
and pang your ngiao sounds like someone's pang sai-ing.
this is so crap.

`reminising

buy me a tiara and some stars;
6:02:00 PM

Thursday, May 13, 2004

went to school for a paper that lasted only 20 mins.
anyone free on friday?
heading to town on friday. but it's only me, yuens and leenzo.
join us if you wish, please.

i screwed my listening, i think.
most answers were prolly guesses. the paper looked alien and the passages sounded alien too.. alrights.
i screwed up.

`i dont know and i dont care.
words of a guilty party.

my face is a place i flow like a river.
my mind is a place i reminise like a dreamer.

nope, no mac's today.
stayed in school instead.
started talking about equatos' thumb.
she has an aaawwwwfffuuulllllyy adorable thumb.
it looks exactly like one of her toes. =)
and i cant stand yuens' laughter.
it's contagious.

i'll let it burn.
wanna break down and cry.
let it burn to ashes.
and the feeling's so magical, almost unbelievable.

if i could pluck a star for every time you smiled,
i would have an ocean.
and i'm sorry for every single tear you dropped.
smile once more, for me at least.

the above's not for fuckhead.
it's too beautiful for a fuckhead. =)

and darlings,
thanks for being there when i needed someone.

mrs.wong, not tau pok, was such a cutie this morn.
i understand now, she does not understand chinese.
hur hur.
this guilt trip that you put me on,
won't mess me up.
i've done no wrong.
any thoughts of you and me have gone away.

`confessions

buy me a tiara and some stars;
12:33:00 PM

Wednesday, May 12, 2004

stop being a poser, you ass.
i hate posers.
cant that stupid attai with boobs just be herself for a day. it's only then when people will like her and actually treat her like a someone.
and wont you pur-leeeaaasssse stop being such a gossiper and stop poking your fuchead into others' problems.
it's getting to me. i cant take this!
i hate posers. i so hate posers.

was at mac's again. there was this group of... girls. school girls. some ij school. there was this table with a guy and three girls and one not-so-girl girl. attai la...
how can that guy possibly stay at that table filled with bimbos and a not-so-girl girl?! he. does. not. have. dignity. bahaha!
those idiots had a problem with us or something.
or maybe there was something wrong with their eyes. they. kept. staring. at us. and. was. whispering. about. us.
what the fuck's wrong with these people?!
im hungry...............
i just woke up. not long ago.
and friendster's lagging like fuck.
there's something terribly wrong with their server.

i did not screw my papers up today! not like yesterday.
math. the questions were crap. and that one about the pond. hello~?! how deep was the pond?! how am i supposed to find the answer? and mr.tang said he would give that question to a sec four. ba! what the fuck seh. im sure to fail to think i was doing math the day before like a fanatic.
urgh...this 'meet the parents' session, if froggy was to say something about my math paper, she's gonna get it from me. big time.
my fucking sis' asking me to burn cd again. and find some stupid r&b songs. hello?! im not a walking radio. i dont know r&b. i do not listen much to r&b. stop asking me to do stuffs. im not obligued to do it for you. god did not give you hands, legs and a brain to think for nothing?! sometimes, sometimes, i just feel like im the older one. and this is sickening. ppppuuurrr-lllleeeaasssseee act your age. such a turn off.

and poser, attai with boobs' such a turn off as well. she was in some blue jacket. it reminded me of azureen. just that zu looks million times cooler. we went to bk. cause apparently fish told us to. and guess what?! when we got there.. before we could step in. poser stormed out. O.o?! what the fuck?! eeexxxxxccccccuuuuussssseeeee me.. you told us to come and now you're storming off without telling me anything?! and you're like ignoring my questions?! the weather was killing me and you made me walk from mac's to bk to see this?! funny ar. so, if you think you're cool doing this and walking like you've got something up your ass. im telling you, you're not. you're just like any other irritatingly-bly ugly posers. please, just be yourself. and i know how to handle my own problems. i've got my friends to talk to about them and you're NOT one of them. stop stooping around hearing our private conversations. you are a pig-ass. and you suck. big time. you. are such a poser.
you. are not a true person.
you. are just another poser.
you. are acting like someone you're not.
you. are walking like there's something stuck up your ass.
you. are always talking about people you dont know.
you. are acting like a failed attai.
you. are trying to hard to fit in.
so please, just stop. it's not only me who feels this way. just ask around. this list could go on.

you. thought you could keep some shit from me.
you. thought you go on playing this game.
you. thought everything i wrote had meant something.
you. thought you could jugde me.
you. thought i didn't care.
you. thought slander could bring me down.
you. thought hurling vulgarities would hurt me deeply.
you. thought you were right about every single shit.
you. thought all my friends would leave.
you. thought i couldnt live without you.

but bitch, im telling you. you're wrong. dead wrong.
you're in no position to judge me.
you didnt know the old me. do not judge me. we only knew each other last year.
there's so many shit you dont know. dont judge. your judgement will be wrong anyway. so shat up. i'll my life and you'll live yours. do what we each do best. we'll go our separate ways from here. i certainly hope everything goes well for you.
cause im not like you. i dont curse others when a conflict arises. i dont hope you'll stumble. i dont hope your friends will leave you. and even if it does, i couldnt and wouldnt congratulate you. i still care though this friendship turned sour. im only human.

i dont wanna waste my time anymore.
i dont wanna become another casualty of society.
i dont wanna become another victim of your conformity.
but i know if i just breathe,
everything will be alright.

`dont count on me

buy me a tiara and some stars;
10:13:00 PM

Tuesday, May 11, 2004

http://channels.netscape.com/ns/men/sexlaws.jsp
it's dumb.
and it's reaaallll dumb.
here's one:
in egypt, a couple can legally divorce by writing "i divorce you, i divorce you, i divorce you."
weird shit man.
and other. far worse.
in cali, colombia, a woman may have sex only with her husband, her mother must be in the room to witness the act.
note that, baby!
it totally kills the atmosphere.
just imagine having sex with your mom staring.
man!
so turn off!

went to mac's again.
slacked like usual.
saw the cute couple again.

attai with boobs' such a poser.
i hate posers
but
i love kitkat cubes.
it's nicer to eat it like that.
in small pieces.

i think im really hanging out with equatos too often.
im laughing like her.
and she got me into the pocky frenzy.
"i want to buy pppooooocckkkkkieeeeeeeee!"
mayo squirts.
equatos got squirted with it today.
and she like, "im so oileeeyyyyy!"
shall we try it on y****u** one day?
but i rather pull that trick on y****u** number 3.

chong's retarded!
she would rather walk the long way to our class.
her reason?
"not so many people mah..."
and this morning. the carpark wasnt very crowded.
it's not like it's 7.30 or something.
stupid ass.

hey alien,
why do you sound so sad?
yep. im supposed to study.
needed some time off to destress tooo.
amanda cant take stress.
she'll break down.
and i needed to laugh.
too much happened too fast.
and you, take care.

i condemn posers.
i condemn posers.
i condemn posers.
i hate hypocrites.
i hate hypocrites.
i hate hypocrites.
i discriminate fuckheads.
i discriminate fuckheads.
i discriminate fuckheads.

definition of a fuckhead: they are people who spins untrue tales about others, sow discord between others. they judge others, they dont know how to draw a clear line between truths and lies. they paint one's reputation with vulgarities and distort one's personality with those lies they spun.

that's a definition of a fuckhead.
dont be a fuckhead, please.cause fuckheads suck.
and i personally have something against any form of fuckheaders.

"i dont know why i liked you so much,
i gave you all of my trust.
now it's all down the drain,
you put me through pain.
fuck what i said, you dont mean shit now.
fuck all the presents, might as well throw 'em out.
fuck you, you hoe. i dont want you back.
you thought you could keep this shit from me.
you burnt bitch, i heard the story.
you played me. now you're asking for me back.
look else where.
cause i dont want you back.
you questioned,
did i care.
you could ask anyone.
now it's all over.
fuck you, you hoe. i dont want you back."

yesterday's quote "dOtzssss. dOtzsss."

buy me a tiara and some stars;
4:03:00 PM

Monday, May 10, 2004

the resounding one.
she's missing.
saw her kids though.
hahas.

blogger's totally different
and im not used to it.
ah!
*screams

my band's a fucking irritating song,
but i love it. :)
im beginning to laugh like equatos!
guessed im hanging out with her.. too much.
lols.
but never mind.
she makes me laugh.
i like humourous people. :)
and she's one of them.
like yuen. :)
not forgetting my lover too.

went to heartland.
decided to slack there for a little while.
but that little while piled.
and we were there for two hours or so.
wanted to leave.
but yuen was like..
later?
so, we stayed.
were having too much fun, i guessed.
all that crapping and laughing.
and that 'please donante your cocks generously'
written on that macDonald's cup.
it was very, very lame.

met celest and leen. together with two other attais.
hahas.
had the best time laughing.
oh, and stephy on my way back.

i've decided.
and moved on.
close that chapter and ready to start a new one.
she told me it's not worth crying.
that woke me up.
thanks for trusting and believing in me.
all that laughing erased what i heard today.
thanks, guys.
*waves

i dont like hypocrites.
and people with an attitude that sucks.
dont wave to me after how you treated me this morning.
dont act as if nothing happened.
cause something really did happened.
i made my point: i dont like hypocrites.

`please. wont you just leave.and leave me alone.

buy me a tiara and some stars;
5:26:00 PM

Sunday, May 09, 2004

to all the big mamas out there, small ones and aspiring ones too!
Happy Mama's Day!
not forgetting my own mama. =)
she's the greatest and the coolest.
i know she's been through alot. and i cant thank her even more.
thanks so much for bringing us up single-handedly.
I love You!

buy me a tiara and some stars;
10:44:00 AM

play with aaaasssssskkkkk mmmmmmeeeeeee! today!
it's the newest, craziest, lamest game in town!
play with it to keep up with the ever changing world!
it'll widen your knowledge.
as we know, knowledge is power*
so play with one today!
right here at pink-socks!
come on, kids!
play with 'aaaaassskkkkk mmmmeeeeee!' in order to stay funky and hang out with the coolest cliques.
play with 'aaaaassssskkkkk mmmmmeeeee!' today!

please tag if you've got any enquires to make. =)
scroll right down to tag!

alrighties.
above was the advertisment for 'aaaasssskkk mmmmeeee!'
try it ya?
haha.
ooo. the wacoal bra advert's damn stupid.
but the bra's pretty cool.
i want it.
hahas.

anyone knows the song that goes......
"all ya ladies in the club get tips."
something like that.
i need the title!
i want to download that blardy song.
im bored with my playlist.
i need new songs. any to recommend?

i
am
currently
very very very
bored..................
......................
dots. yeah
b o r e d.
s a v e
me..!

hahas. alrights. i'll go catch up on my beauty sleep now.

`endless indulgence in beauty sleeps.
-however, i dont get much of its beauty. sigh.

*as quoted from the telly.

buy me a tiara and some stars;
1:10:00 AM

Saturday, May 08, 2004

Saturday, May 08, 2004
wut is de FUCKING problem with everyone...dey r juz being very IRRITATING..I NEVA FORCED YOU TO APOLOGIZE..dun go around saying others..have u thot if YOU r like dis..if YOU r means, i can't describe..have YOU ever thot of dat YOU r PISSING OFF de PEOPLE ard YOU...STOP GIVING PEOPLE NAMES..WUT BT NAMING URSELF FUCKER...U BETTA STOP GOING ARD HURTING PEOPLES CUZ 1 FINE DAY U WILL LOSE ALL UR FRENZ & I WILL BE CONGRATULATING YOU MANS...end of world for u ASSHOLE.... i have no reason y shld i act as if i'm happy...i am juz being normal...wut for YOU care so muck FUCKER...i wun give a DAMN but neva HURT ANY OF MY FRENZ...THANKS FOR ALL UR CRABS & LOBSTERS....

so sorry for the obsenities above. =)
it's not me.
amanda doesnt type improper english.
only stupid fuckheads do so. =)
oh, and thank you so much for calling me a fucker.
it's better than being called a fuckhead. like you.
i wont lose all my friends. not like some fuckheads.
oh, that's you. by the way.
pollution, fuckhead.
and fuckhead,
what right do you have to judge me?
how long have you know me?
3 years? nah, less than that.
dont be judgemental, fuckhead.
no one likes others to judge.
how would you like me to judge you, fuckhead?
i did not give people names.
oh, i just did. fuckhead.
haha.
i dont mind calling myself a fucker.
seriously, it's better than being a fuckhead. or whore.
if that's what you want.
i dont mind you painting my reputation with vulgarites.
cause i use them. all the time. =)
let's see what other words you can come up with.
hmm, you've never been good with words anyway.
being eloquent's not your forte. so why push yourself so hard?

eeeewwwww. im polluting my blog writing about that fuckhead.
i shall stop.
just in any case, someone somewhere accuses me of slander.
oh, and... if you, fuckhead, want to smear me with obsenities and vulgarities all over your blog, go ahead.
you can name me too. =)
i dont mind.
you might as well come confront me with your wonderful dictionary of vulgarities.
come, put on a show with your vulgarities.
chinese ones are very much welcomed too.
since i think you're very good with chinese. hmm.
chee-na.

alrights.
they have gone off for the wedding.
chose to stay home.
what the fuck is wrong with tagboard?
and,
does anyone know how to clear history on netscape?
hur hur.
just realised that fuckhead has terrible grammer.
and bad describing skills.
haha.
see la, that's the effect of watching and hearing too much chinese stuff.
chee-na.

i've decided.
im getting that mambo bag.
the graffti design's getting me hooked.
hey!
i came up with crabs and lobsters, you fuckhead.
dont take credit for something you hadn't done.
blardy fool.
=)
i love fuckhead. =)
*grins widely

A shoutout to all Barnabas camp mates!
hey girls,
would all of you like an outing with Natalie?
well,
Andrew's instructor asked if you girls would like one with Natalie and him together with Andrew.
So?
get back to me in school ya?
thankies!

`e yucks generation.a world filled with yucks species

buy me a tiara and some stars;
6:13:00 PM

Friday, May 07, 2004

my dsyfunctional family spent $207.95 at crystal jade kitchen.
buhahahaha!

buy me a tiara and some stars;
11:12:00 PM

smile, smile.
smile and talk to yourself.
that's all you could manage.
im not suprised. you being you.
and dont preach.
do not, i repeat,
do not give me the definition of 'what makes a good friend',
cause. you dont make a good friend as well.
so stop preaching. no one listens to you anyway.

alrights.
went out with yuen.
justthetwoofus.
well, walked behind this yu ying couple.
they were like. so over each other.
i kiss you, you kiss me.
i hold you, you hold me.
i touch your ass, you touch mine.
so, yuen was like act like them ar.
okay. i did. put my hand around her juicy(eeewww.) waist.
and then. there was silence. guessed they saw it. and were pretty grossed out.
haha. that's the point, dumb.

it's 1/4 la, equatos.
create soo many equations and you can get this wrong.
*shake head
anyway,
i dont mind if the rest of you go get that wallet. so we can form a circle. haha
alrights,
Equatos
equatos is a person who creates equations.
one is known as equatos. many as equatos-s.
and the y***² thingy's still on.
i created the 10 commenments.(is that how you spell it?)

alright.
here goes,
1. to *ov* and be *ov*d in return
2. be as irritating as you can
3. always show that "i-am-so-sick" and "i-hate-you" face
4. always sleep in class
5. love orange, blue and pink and no other colors(selfish)
6. always slack
7. always say: my first kiss was given to you
8. always wear your hair in a pigtail
9. be skinny. very skinny. skin and bones are the best
10. always have a bird-beak nose.
The *U**IES CLUB - now open.
join us today!
call us @ 421622123456789
thank you!

im just being lame. and irritating.
i wonder why i have chessy songs in my playlist.
mothers' day dinner! later. at crystal jade.
i love that place. =)
okay, equatos' not a attai. she's straight. very straight. like my ruler.
ooo. my rulers abit the not straight due to paper cut last year.
haha.
6230's so fuxking* cool. i want that phone. i need it. hahas.

*fuxking means fucking. spelt and pronouced differently.

Ms ho:"What's after this?"-refering to the equation.
winnie:"Chinese."
Ms ho:"Girls, what's after this?"-still refering to the equation.
Winnie:"Chinese............."
Suanne, me, winnie. now laughing.
ms ho, once again,:"Girls...... What's after this?"
yuan li:"CHINESE"-real loud.
me, suanne, winnie. now laughing real hard.
-the scenario from yesterday's math lesson. winnie, the ever so blur sotong. haha.

buy me a tiara and some stars;
6:55:00 PM

Thursday, May 06, 2004

i want:
a new phone. models listed..
wanted model: n6230.
others will do just as well.as long as i get a new phone.
cost:unavailable. ----
my perfume.got lots but i want my ultraviolet.
cost:$72 ----
my nike shoe. need some shoes badly. though i have lots too. (:
cost:$93.95 ----
mambo sling bag.the graffiti art design caught my eye. fell in love with it and now, i want it.
cost:$75.90 ----
christian dior watch. the one that's pink with a white flower on it.
cost:$1410
too expensive.forfeited. ----
swatch watch.it's more of an accessory, i think.
cost:$143 -i'll work for it. ----
projectshopBLOODbros dirty green sling.i have a bag fetish. ba~ i want this too.
cost:$119.90 ----
-why do price tags always carry a .something?

buy me a tiara and some stars;
6:28:00 PM

well, i apologised. you bitch.
whore. you suck.
and i dont really care if i hurt you or whatsoever.
cause who the hell are you anyway?
and,
if my font's too small for you to read.
then please go fix yourself a pair glasses,
if contacts dont work for you.
or maybe,
you might want to blow some cash on getting a magnifying glass.
i can load one to you though. :)
i rather not.
just in case it gets infected with myopia.
nope, i wouldnt risk that.
and if you said i hurt you.
then,
I'M SSSSSOOOOORRRRYYYYYY.
is this big enough?!
at least, i apologised. and you?!
all i see you do is sit back, sulk and complain.
oooo. typical. sigh.
why do i bother anyway?!
crying aint gonna help.
im not wasting tears on you.
dammit. such an insult to cry because of you.
i thought through it, conclusion?
you aint worth a space in my brain.
i've got a small brain, you see.
cant store much.
the story ends here, goodbye.
i dont ever want to have anything to do with you ever again.
thankyouverymuch.
end of speech. hehs.

sat with becca for chinese. laughing the whole time.
im sure,
one day,
just one fine day,
i would die laughing.
she was sleeping.
i drew the curtains...
and.... the rest, it's at becca's blog.
mei and her played this real stupid game.
which i would, i think, try my hand at one day.
the forfeits were dumb.
people in the canteen must be thinking the whole bunch of us...
were....
retarded.
ha! so what. isnt being retarded one of our greatest talents?
hehs.
i love some attai called becca yeo zhi xian.
haha, she's gonna kill me.
bleahs. nope, she's icy. attai with long hair? eeewwww.
well, at least.. it's better than some fake attai with boobs.
if god is a deejay, then life is a dance floor.
wont it be great?
so filled with music. i would love that.
man, why is some spears music playing?
froggy's getting to me.... she. is. having. pms.
had math the whole time today.
which obviously sucked.
seen her almost half the day.
i get bored seeing her.
hehs.
mrs chong was really evil today!
she didnt allow me to copy...........!!
meanie! for my own good, i guessed.
it's ms chan's last day.
kinda sad actually. though i dont, personally, take much notice of her.
it's just that. i enjoyed and understand her lessons more.
froggy's ones were a bore.
her points werent points to begin with. and she failed me.
dammit.
i failed my literature for the first time.
and chinese, not to mention.
math as well. and chem. and social studies.
haha. im sucha slacker, i cant stand it.
yeeessssssss. i will buck up.
and i dont give a damn if you got higher than me.
and i dont give a fuck if you dislike me as well.
why should i burden myself with what others think of me.
waste of time.

you take the smiles from all of our years,
i'll take the tears.
in any case, i wouldnt wanna be accused of hurting someone.
now,
it's all too late.
i've got on with life.
and i dont ever want to look back.
and our story ends here. there's no start of a new chapter.
i dont want to go through it again.
i dont want a re-enactment.
i dont need that.
i dont need you. and,
i dont need your presence.

i've said it once, and im gonna say it another time.
if i want to,
i could be equally as irritating,
equally as mean,
equally as crude,
and equally as hurting.
it might,
might even be double the times.
i dont care.
you aint worth it.
since you see it as an enjoyment to see me tear.
i will, too, take it an entertainment to see you cry and feel dejected.
cause i, for now, seriously dont give two hoots about how you feel,
and the amount of hurt i'll put you through.
cause,
as a matter of factly,
you didnt either.
and if this post is gonna make you feel so hurt, you can go complain to the wall or your piglet(or is it a eeyore?), i dont really care, or you could/can come slaughter me.
cause i dont care and you mean nothing to me.
as you can see.
memories of you and things that you said..
are slowly disappearing.
it seemed so natural that this is happening. it's not like im trying hard to forget everything little detail about you(actually i am) but my brain automatically shuts itself off when thoughts of you comes on. that's so sad.
well, i dont care.
i rest my case.
well, just in any case, you people come accusing me of hurting the lonely someone. then,
I, AMANDA HO, AM TRUELY SORRY
sincere enough, bitch?

buy me a tiara and some stars;
5:21:00 PM

Tuesday, May 04, 2004

i wanted you to love me.
i wanted to be there for you like no one else before.
it's in you,
it cuts like a knife.

i missed you,
if i ever did,
im the greatest fool on earth.

glad you understand how i felt.
finally,
someone did.
sat down and listen.
thanks for that.

你伤害了我,
还一笑而过.
that's for you. =)
someone with big eyes.

she thinks im dumb.
i know what you're doing.
ive got eyes and a brain to think.
thankyouverymuch.

mei, dont cry.
it's not worth it.

studying session with ahems on saturday.
nope, dont intend to disclose.
i dont seriously intend to increase the risk of that bitch tagging along.
i see the way she's acting like she's someone else,
gets me fustrated.
take off all your preppy clothes.
fuck off, you bitch.
i dont need your concern.
and your clinging onto,
suffocates me.

"fucker can...!!"
you're asking me?
sure.
go ahead. fuck yourself.
im fine with it.
not much enjoyment though. =)
i can be equally as irritating if i want to.
and i can act as innocent and pitiful,
like you.
that's despicable.
i dont resort to such under hand means.
and i dont deny stuffs that i did,
unlike you.
im just returning what you did to me,
sad to say,
you denied. liar. a big one.

my foes will stumble and fall.
crippled,
i dont want them to stand.
crawl,
beg me for forgiveness.
set yourself against me,
you'll pay back,
double. i swear.

endlessly to be true to you,
i promise.
never meant to feel this way.

i sit back while remisicing,
about the days we used to be.
all the real people,
are really not real at all.

surrealism,
we're all just hypocrites and liars,
ive got only myself to trust.

illusions,
dont distort my vision,
with your drowning lies.

fantasies,
i could stay lost in this moment,
forever.

guys,
thanks for your concern,
your 'stay happy's,
and never ending 'take care's.
i will, i promise.
i'll stay strong,
despite the fact that someone wants me so dead.
but sorry,
i will have to disappoint you.

i'll haunt your dreams at night,
stay in your mind.
forever.
it's pay back time, honey.
it's not always a bed of roses.
never was.

and she would, if she could,
grab a knife,
slash your face fourty two times
and stab your heart twelve times.
leave you out there,
in the cold,
you're feeling so alone.
helpless,
you're freezing.
as much as you wanted too,
you couldnt,
to shout was the last thing you wanted to do.
you laid there,
swimming in a pool of blood.
your vision blurred from the stabbed eye,
bleeding,
you tried to move,
so hard, it hurt.
a faint help was all you could mutter,
your heartbeat's getting slower by the second,
she stood by you,
watching your every move,
you stared back hard,
so filled with anger and hatrad.
grabbed the knife and plunged it hard into your dying heart one last time,
it stopped.
it got so quiet.
the girl knelt down,
whispering,
"i wished you could only apologise for the hurt you caused,
i wished you could only show a sign of remorse..
but nnnooooo,"
her voice trembled,
shaky but strong,
her eyes,
anger shot through,
"you didnt."
she continued,
"all you could manage was a giggle or two with your 'friends',
i doubt you ever thought of this friendship,
and because of what you did,
destroyed this beautiful relationship.
you denied,
insisted that it was all my fault.
im telling you now, it's yours.
it's yours to begin with
and im making you pay back.
this is for what you've done.
but still, i want to thank you for the joy you gave to me,
for the memories that will stay with me. rest well, hun"

i will not fall,
i will not allow this childish behavior to bring me down,
i will put my love for you to sleep.
i will sweep these memories of you and me under a carpet.
i condemn you,
and after tonight,
you'll be a nightmare i woke up from,
and a creature from somewhere who stumbled into my life and left without a trace.
i will not, after tonight, at the stroke of midnight,
have a clue about you and a memory of who you are.

buy me a tiara and some stars;
7:11:00 PM

`lost