Friday, April 30, 2004
i still believe in fairy tales and a thing called miracles.
buy me a tiara and some stars;
10:04:00 PM
beautiful things arent in black and white. =)
i had my sun done in pale orange and growing rays.
http://www.neave.com
this guy's a genius. go check him out.
i love graffiti art.
so wonderful, it leaves me wanting for more.
i love colors.
for it gave life many pleasures.
the fate of mankind is in the hands of fools.
i couldnt agree more.
war equals salvation?
kiss my arse.
i screwed up.
chinese paper one's a goner.
hopes are dashed.
oh well.
what can i say.
god is unfair, life has always been unfair.
her actions disgust me.
javascript application . . . . loading.
just shoot me.
i so wanna be dead. this very moment.
she's such a worm.
scumbag. slander.
blardy fucker.
go away.
she's poison for my eyes.
oh god. i will be blind. soon.
just watch.
or was i already?
should have seen through her mask.
damn shit.
was i that stupid?
i was too lost.
intoxicated.
you messed things up.
pay back. now.
hey alien. leen loves you, alright?
we all do.
its not the end of the world.
not till mine's over. =)
nothing is permitted.
we're all controlled.
by someone,
somewhere.
and all we could ask for is liberation,
please,
just leave us alone.
caught in the web of confusions,
save me from drowning,
in your lies,
i found myself sleeping.
buy me a tiara and some stars;
3:42:00 PM
Thursday, April 29, 2004
didnt head for school today. geog notes almost done. someone called. three times. i didnt answer. didnt know who it was. didnt want to know. didnt wish to know.
talked with leen and vian on the phone. talked about lots of stuff. lol. we're heading for the gym after the exams. felt that we were getting fatter and flabbier. girls. sigh. never ending diets. lol. its funny eh. i crushed diet. lots of times. sun tanning sessions after the exams. clubbing too. all happening after the exams. man, i cant wait for it to be over. i wanna busk in the sun. go kayating, gym sessions. to put my sweat glands to work. something really funny happened. the whole class missed art lesson. leaving only one period when ong came up and screamed at us. "Girls. take your things and go to the art room now." apparently, we heard froggy saying she wanted the art lessons for some math revision. so, we had some self-declared, as ong would say it, free periods. hahas.
we talked and talked. pe ended early, super early. she walked off. leaving us puzzled. someone said its because we didnt wanna get into groups of five. whatever la. we rock. went up to class. and talked. about my thingy. vian asked me to settle this thing. sit down and talk with them. she said its only a matter of time that things will get back to normal. i really hope so too. but if they had no intension of saving this friendship, so be it. if i keep budging and they keep backing off. nothing good will come out of it. conclusion. i'll leave things as it is. as far as i know, someone has been spreading tales about me. that's how the whole thing started, i suppose. saddness man. if i have thread and a needle, i would grabbed that fucker and sew her mouth up. she's been acting really nice infront of me. being really caring towards me. but hey, im not some pre-school toddler. i know what's going on. dont take me for a fool. i've got people telling me the things you have been saying. i would shoot you a hundred times till your mama can hardly regconise you if i had a gun. and you. dont quote me. if i had only recorded things down in black and white, i'll trash things out with you. you better watch your back. you'll stumble and fall. all my adversaries and foes will. that bitch's such a fucker. stop speaking in my name. slander. stupid bitch.
and et, leen doesnt like you so she aint msging you. lols. no, no. dont believe me. hehs. and thanks for your concern la ya. im very upset. would you like to hear me out? hahas. things got to a point where im too tired to do anything. if i could, i'll leave. someone please. believe me for once. no one ever did. im still human. your constant 'i dont believe you's are unbearable.
saddness man. i cant take it anymore. the anger builds up each time i think of the things you did. damn shit. you can blardy hell make your way to the gates of hell now. dammit. and thanks for your speech during chapel yesterday. talking about yourself eh? it doesnt make sense if you're the one doing all this crap. guess you enjoy seeing me cry. you suck la. it just goes out to show what kinda person you are. i made a mistake man. i was wrong about you. you're my greatest regret. shouldnt have let you into my life. i would give up everything. to get my life back to what it was. how can i possibly smile like before. like a fool, i stood by you. and now, you're turning your back on me. thanks alot man. and YOU. thanks for giving others a false testimony about me. thanks alot. i really appreciate it. and dont ever think that you can bring me down. im stronger than you think i am. YOU. STINK. period.
buy me a tiara and some stars;
10:13:00 PM
Tuesday, April 27, 2004
i miss you and i always will.
things are going bad. maybe there's a misunderstanding somewhere. we shared the laughter, shared the tears. i gave so much. didnt expect to get this in return. it hurt so bad. i did your blog, helped you with your art, shared so many darn things with you, stole a orange straw. to think after all these, you turned your back on me. and when you said your friends were leaving one by one. i stayed behind.. to be your friend. and now, you're treating me like you've never seen me before. is this what friends are for? and you. i thought you were my friend. someone true. no, you ignored me like they did. and no, im not blaming you guys. i enjoyed the times spent messing around with you. and if this has to come to an end now.. i've no regrets. im sorry if what i did hurt you in a way or two. im sorry if things i said upset you some way or another. im sorry if the constant, what you guys called 'attacks', friendly arguments were too much for you to handle. im sorry, im sorry, im sorry. i didnt realise our years together had to end like this. right now, i know.. you guys hate me. for some reasons, i dont know. and wouldnt want to know if you guys dont wish to tell me. i dont hate you. im not talking only because you said you didnt like me. i just didnt wish to irritate you further. your presence still lingers. maybe. it's all one-sided. i gave too much. i expected nothing in return. but you hurt me too much, too deep. all these are just hear-says. if i heard it from you.. i would believe and back off. just tell me you hate me, if you really do. your constant grouping behind's intimidating. i screamed today. i was getting irritated and angry. emotions were running high. i was irritating at the way you people stared at me. i was angry at how you guys were treating me after all i've done. and now, you're doubting me. i want to know why are you people against me. i want to know so many things. are we still friends?
buy me a tiara and some stars;
10:26:00 PM
Monday, April 26, 2004
sadness man! had a terrible, terrible day. so many darn things happened. felt like crap. i dont know why. but felt that they had something against me. refused to speak to me. left me all alone. fine. that's fine. my fucking phone had problems. again. that sim card registration failed thingy. it showed that fucking msg so many fucking times. time to change phone, i guess. any sponsors? please contact me at 9*******. thankyouverymuch. alrights. so. i got splashed outside school. by some sec twos. fuckers man. they're gonna get it from me. mmm. mental note:bring 1.5 litres bottle filled full with water. honey water will be fine too. find those sec twos. say 'hello, im the girl you splashed water on. how's your day?' smile. shake their hands. pour the bottle of water over them. *grins
lol. sounds fun eh. hur hur hur. alrights. then it was to bishan.. with yuan li. journey was fine. walked to the station.. so many eyes were on me like there's was something wrong. nope, there isnt. got to toa payoh. almost got killed by flying cans of sardines. thank god. my mom pulled me back. i would have died. *phew. and my phone was lagging like fuck. man, never had so many thingys happen in a day. sigh. bad day huh. alrights.
got real lame during chinese. and it's LI BING and SHI ZHEN together forever ya? hur hur hur. i know she cant stand it. lol. seems like i have some affinity with this yu ying guy. i see him every morning on my way to school. i see him outside. i saw him on saturday at cine. i met him today.. again. urgh!
i need to study. study. study. study. i'll be back after the exams. see you then. =)
buy me a tiara and some stars;
9:15:00 PM
Friday, April 23, 2004
alrighties! we're over and done with that fucked up exhibition. lol. it was.. lame. and totally meaningless. a total waste of time. got home so freaking late. like 2040?! how late is that seh. i was like the only weirdo in school uniform in that weird train with weird people. the couple opposite me supposingly had a fight. i saw the lady drop some eyelids. yeah. and that guy was going "Please, please. please" please what?! i dont know. and he had his hand on her thigh. squeezing it every now and then. and she was like "dont touch me. dont touch me" lol man. it was fucking hilarious. and then.. this pregnant lady sat beside me. her family.. consisting of a old lady and her husband. they were pratically engulfing me. and that old lady.. pointed to this sign above me. that "give up your seat to someone who needs it more than you do" thingy. guess she was indicating that I SHOULD give my seat up.. for her. she dont look that old to me. haha. and nnnnnnooo. i didnt give up my seat. i was too tired, too lazy. and my bag was freaking heavy, felt like i was carrying a grand piano inside or something. it was totally insane la. sigh. feel fat again man. haha. slacked throughout the exhibition. talked.. alot. laughed like hell. took lots of pictures. joyccccceeeeeeeee lifted me. which hurt. haha. she can lift me man. im like so heavy?! alrights. haha. today was good. i need times like these. lol. alrights. here's something i know becca will love...... haha!
buy me a tiara and some stars;
10:19:00 PM
Thursday, April 22, 2004
we've got two peeps celebrating their birthdays today! how sweet eh. lol. alrights. something i want to make clear. I DO NOT LIKE HIM. i know someone sure say something.. that's why im saying it. lol. alrights. i watched CNA the whole afternoon. amazing, aint it. lol. it was all on nicoll highway. a tragic case, i must say. scanning through the net for more. lol. okay. i shall stop laughing. this aint a laughing matter right. heard from mum that some lta engineer who committed suicide cause the work at the highway was too stressing. that engineer said before once that the soil was not good. and so, now we know. it's true. here's something i wanna share from todayonline.com:
LTA engineer who took his life last year wanted transfer from Nicoll Highway site
The Nicoll Highway worksite that claimed one life, and possibly three others, played a part in the deaths a year ago of a man and his son. On May 7, Mr Chow Peng Wah, a senior engineer with the Land Transport Authority, strangled his 11-year-old son before leaping to his death. Mr Chow, then 44, had been working at the Nicoll Highway site, and his actions were attributed to the depression he suffered as a result of stresses at work. At the coroner's enquiry in January this year, it was disclosed that Mr Chow had asked repeatedly to be transferred from the site. His job was to supervise the construction of the Nicoll Highway MRT station on the soft marine clay and to safeguard the surrounding structures and buildings. His responsibilities included updating management and tenants on the project. Yesterday, his widow, Madam Lee Siew Lian, 46, told Today her husband had become increasingly stressed and anxious because of his concerns about safety issues at the work site. In January last year, Mr Chow began sharing his worries with his wife. He said he could not cope with his work and had contemplated resigning. Mdm Lee, an electrical engineering lecturer, remembers him telling her: "Siew Lian, something very serious is going to happen."
Mr Chua, who had more than 20 years' experience as a civil engineer, had overseen the construction of Kovan station on the North-East Line. "Other projects went very well," said Mdm Lee. "But he shared with me problems that this site had with soil conditions. She said when news of the Nicoll Highway collapse broke yesterday, her 15-year-old daughter Xueyi told her: "Daddy's predictions have come true."
did he or did he not report this to the authority? if he did, did they brush it off or did they already knew before hand that the place they were working had serious soil conditions? if they knew.. are we gonna blame them for what happened? for not raising this? for not taking such stuff seriously? for not taking the workers' safety into consideration? is this what we call a safe enviroment? we're talking about lives here. thousands of them. it's a highway for crying out loud. thank goodness there was a jam. that highway could have been crowded with cars and buses. just imagine that big number of people who could suffer from this collapse. just by thinking of it scares me. i condemn Nishimatsu Constuction and Lum Chang Construction. they were the main contractors of the section of MRT's circle line that had collapsed. these are the people whom i really wish shot dead. and what if this hadnt happened? if this part of circle line had been up and people were travelling in it. if the collapse happened only then. it would be drastic. just imagine the carnage it would cause. thanks so much for building circle line to 'improve' transport from place to place. looked what happened? guess that's what you guys wanted. happy now? i'll keep those families in my prayers. im not a christian though. lol. i hate a* ong. i'll send my prayer up tonight. it shall go like this....: God, everyone says "God's almighty" and if you're almight. oh Lord, wont you please take a* ong away from us. we, mankind, do not wish to suffer from biasness. and we do not wish to suffer under her. no mankind should live to suffer like us. and if you would be kind enough.. we wouldnt want to live in hell. if this is what you should call hell. please. please take us away from this all. in jesus name i pray, amen.
LAUGH OUT LOUD man. it's so funny. hear my prayer. haha. ong's a bias freak. i hate her, i hate her, i hate her. period. =))))
buy me a tiara and some stars;
10:58:00 PM
Wednesday, April 21, 2004
HELP. im so shagged. i need sleep. there's still an hour to 5.30am. then.. i can take my bath and head for school. to SLEEP. yeah. sleep. haven slept since yesterday. was doing art. finished my prep work. final piece? err. i need ah ling's help. ah fang promised to call me but.. she didnt. you stupid bitch. lalala. im crappy. cant blame an innocent soul. she didnt sleep. urgh. alrights. shall go have my bath now. =))) and answer me SHOULD I DROP ART?
buy me a tiara and some stars;
4:29:00 AM
Tuesday, April 20, 2004
did i make a mistake in choosing art as a subject? do i even have the talent for art? im starting to question myself. im losing interest and my drawing's getting suckier. should i drop art? someone.. enlighten me. please.
buy me a tiara and some stars;
9:16:00 PM
Monday, April 19, 2004
-screams- had the crappiest day in school.. today. morning assembly was crap. addressed us about some crappified stuff. one thing i've got to say: my online PERSONAL diary has nothing to do with you. and since it's personal, though im posting for everyone out there to read, you have got no right to interfere with what i have to say and what kinda language im using. teachers were or are suffering from daily pms, which is bad. teachers including males. lol. they were screaming like fuxk. for whatever reasons, i dont know. but never mind, had countless moments like these. so im fine with all the screamings and shoutings. like i dont get that from teachers on a personal level. had crappified food for recess. the lemon barley tasted like crap. then came chemistry lesson at the lab. for some reasons not disclosed, she checked on our seatings. our bench had index numbers 13, 14, 15 and 16. okay. so it's jaclyn, eileen, ma and jasmine. jasmine sat infront.. okay. fine. she made jaclyn move to the place where eileen was supposed to sit. and me? my original position. ha! our bench had only the two of us. what's funny is that.. the only that separted us was the sink. -.-|| -screams- this is so crappy! she wants to sow discord between us. ba! im so sad. then what's all those crap about living in harmony? someone, enlighten me. please. i dont wanna live on as a crappified and confused idiot. and the weather was crap. it was fuxking hot. we had to do our art outside. apparently, ah mei didnt want to go in cause she didnt want the art club girls to look at her 'ugly' master piece. as a result, we all suffered in that crappy weather with her because of that crappy piece of shitified reason. all in all, i sum today up as C.R.A.P. yay! lol. gonna get down to my final piece after this. the exhibition's this friday and i've not even started. im so dead, i know. =) heading to the immigration to do my ic. sigh. waste of time. lol. exams are coming - another reason to add to my crappified day. sigh. my life's so interesting.
had lunch at compass. some ij girls were.. dots. we were like the only pl lites there. kinda awkward though. but we still ate. it's essential to eat. had a crappy topic during morning assembly: eating healthy. the message put across?: pl lites are getting bigger. period. hur hur hur. im so mean! well, if im not mean. im not called Amanda. *smiles
buy me a tiara and some stars;
8:03:00 PM
Saturday, April 17, 2004
quizzy! lol. haven done one for a long time.. alrights. this one's dumb. i know. man. i feel so stupid. lol. got it off jiaxin's blog. some friend of my sis'
Lol! i feel stupid! lol. lack of sensitivity?! lol. okay, i admit. im ignorant to others, happy? lol. alright. enough of these dumb quizzes. they make me feel stupid. and im stupid enough already. lol.
cut my hair today. ive got a fringe that's
2cm Note: 2 CM. okay la. not the whole thingy. just part of it's 2cm. that frightening two. lol. well, it looks alright to me. i need changes, remember? i need excitement. tons of them. cant stand it when there's no excitment or changes. it totally sucks. imagine life without it. BORING. you're boring if you hate changes and excitment. ba! i feel stupid again. lol. WE. didnt go out today. sorry, twin. I. had to go for a hair cut. SHE. had to meet her mum. THEY. didnt confirm anything. so, I. went for a hair cut instead. and, WE are gonna make my ic on wednesday. lol. my mum and me la. my ic photo sucks. whoever came up with the hair-cannot-cover-eye-brows thingy is an idiot who's stupid and brainless with NO sense of fashion. to top it off, that person's foolish and cannot think straight. eeeexxxx-ccccccuuuuuussssssseeeeeeeee me! ladies' eye brows are ever changing. ever heard of eye brow trimming?! dumb shit. that person's a lumposhit. this shows that .. that person doesnt think! god didnt give you brains for nothing, you piece of shit. now, i look fuxking ugly in that piece of useless photo and it's all your fault, you piece of shit. thanks alot, shit. if i could, i would SHOOT you down, you piece of unwanted shit. fuck him la. aiyo, i dont wanna fuck him. it's too grossified. lol. okay. i shall be a good citizen and STOP slamming the govt. lol. i just cant stand them. i need a redress!!!!!!! waddafuck?! lol. i declare that I, Amanda, do not support the govt. but hey, i've got no say in anything. even if i do.. which ass in the parliment would listen?! lol. okay! im so mean. shall shuddup. lol. i need to shut up! sorry la. im shutting now. dont slam me. hur hur hur. is it wrong to love oneself? please, answer me. lalala~ im just bored. responding to something in the letter. lol. "you love yourself...?" yeah. i love myself. why? cannot issit?! im narcissistic. got a problem with that?! no? then shuddup and fuxk off. go, shoo. you're a waste of time. la di da. and you wanna cry? then go ahead. it's none of my business. lalala. have got enough problems of my own. dont burden me with more. fuxk off la, ya?! i dont see a need to waste my time on a junior whom has not matured and whom i cannot clique with. lalala~ i rather waste my time on myself. hur hur hur. my fringe's really 2cm. i measured it. it's not funny. dont laugh. you'll be shot if you do. =)
buy me a tiara and some stars;
11:14:00 PM
Friday, April 16, 2004
alrights. i didnt head for school today. first, i woke up late. second, the pain in my legs were killing me. it's a torture just to walk. third, decided not to go school because i was tired. fourth, look at the time. even if i head for school, i'll be late. fifth, was so fucking lazy to crawl out of bed with those legs. sixth, the bed made me go back to my beauty sleep. seventh, decided to stay home today to do my art. alrights. cant think of any more. im bored. i need to see a doctor later. all by myself. hur hur hur. to get an mc. that's why im seeing a doctor, dumb. i dont want my grams to accompany me. no, no way. she'll probably feed me with those kinda medication when there's nothing really wrong with me! im just tired. am always tired, dont you realised? lol. dont laugh at me. my energy level's limited. =) im sucha slacker. but i like it. lalala. see what you can do to me. nothing! klara.. where are you. i've got lots to tell you about your lover.. my admirer. lol. no la. he's not my admirer. just a name given to him by my clique. why? ask them. i seriously have no idea la. klara, he's camping at sentosa today. ah! i wanna go tanning!! it's sucks. exams are near. cant go anywhere fun till the exams are all over. if i could, i would shoot the person who invented exams and math. lover just told me alot of people never go school today. yep. still.. i've gotta go get an mc. aiyo. it's only me, becca and chongster. 3 only! that's alot to her not to me. lol. hur hur hur. silly ass. =) *sings: say it isnt so, tell me you're not leaving. say you changed your mind now, that i am only dreaming.. this is not goodbye.. this is starting over. if you wanna know, i dont wanna let go. say it isnt so.* beautiful song, aint it. i simply love gareth gates. he sings beautifully. =) lalala. where is the love? in my father's backside. hur hur hur. fergie's got a great bod. no.... not that football coach! alright, he's got a hot bod to boot. lol. early mornings are the best time to download songs. lol. alright! i finally found the heineken song. i love that song, right joyce? lol. mm. music's my first love. be it old, new, rock or punk. it's music, i love it. lol.
becca's grams passed away just today. there are deaths everywhere. im not afraid if death comes knocking on my door. cause i know i'll go knowing im loved by many. but im afraid if death knocks on the wrong door. if it looks for someone else in my family. im so afraid.. that'll i'll wake up one day to find my loved one gone. like they always say, it's all fated. i dont believe fate. i do believe that we all have the power to change the way fate goes round. why am i preaching anyway? urgh. i dont know.. just some random thoughts of mine. heading for town tomorrow! yay! and i still owe christy money for the neos. lol. wanna get some shoes and clothes. shall go shopping. hur hur hur.
Becca: take care ya? dont stress yourself out at this point of time. take great care and smile on.
buy me a tiara and some stars;
11:29:00 AM
Thursday, April 15, 2004
did my 2.4 today. suprisingly, am not feeling tired like before. lol. =) smiles. haha. thinking of doing my 5 items again. not very happy with my incline and s.run. yep. went bishan to meet wei quan with ah pau and christy. jac joined us later. lol. he stays at st22 and he took an hour to come down. how smart huh. took some neos today. yep. half way through my art research. getting back to work soon. hur hur. shan't go into the details of the meeting. lol. yep. didnt talk much today. lalala. klara, you wanna come with me to the andrew outing? lol. your lover asked me to go so, im doing a kind deed by asking you along since it's kindness week! lol. alrights. jie ying's my new seating partner. ms ho's weird. first she said im short so she put me all the way infront. and now? right at the back la. stupid. and my jaclyn's so far away from me.. no more crapping during lessons. ba! im so sad. lol. cant ms ho just place the both of us together? lol. told you she's weird. she wanted us to bond that's why she kept changing our places. but excuse me, how can we bond if you keep putting us with our ex-classmates together?! lol. but im fine with it. =)
buy me a tiara and some stars;
8:19:00 PM
Wednesday, April 14, 2004
i didnt go to school this morning. things came to a point where i was too tired to do anything. i slept in. need my rest to continue my journey to nowhere. am hoping to find a goal soon. things are so fucked up. incompleted art prep work. incompleted literature notes. incompleted this, incompleted that. told you things were so fucked up. gotta get down to work, amanda. i cant afford to stop at this point of time. im lagging, so badly. so shagged. just wanna sleep the world away and never get up. it's useless doing so much when nothing gets returned. im tired. just let go.
buy me a tiara and some stars;
3:12:00 PM
Tuesday, April 13, 2004
had my napfa.. this afternoon which was yesterday. lol. rather satisfied with my stb's results. 177cm and 185cm. *smiles widely* for a person that short to jump that far counted quite good ya? lol. fancy me praising myself. oh man. lol. sit and reach was fine. i've got an A. finally. lols. yanyi's a cheater la. and mrs tee couldnt be bothered. so yeah. that's how i got away with an A. hey! but i really did stretch! i did not cheat!! lols. serious man. alrights. im gonna fail my 2.4. yes, i am. 'when you say nothing at all' is a beautiful song. it's kinda long ago, yeah.. that i know. who cares?! find the song really soothing. that's all. any harm? no. lol. my hp bill's gonna explode. and it's only the beginning of the month?! im so dead. all his fault la. each time the msg comes in, it's always the time when im super bored. if the message came in when im busy. i wouldnt even reply. all his fault la. stupid ass. haven done my art prep work. i know, i so dead. just shoot me. lol. was at compass point with bon and er-he. lol. talked about lots of stuff. told them about something that happened recently. haven told anyone. they were the second. so, yeah. you girls dont know anything yeah. this should explain why i kept refilling my glass with alcohol that day. i decided to keep it from school peeps. dont see the reason why they should know. yep. the only ones who wouldnt breathe a word about what i said were those who knew about what happened. and there were only 3 of them la... no worries. lol. im talking crap here man. stop it! mrs wong was a terror today. she's madness!! lol. she scares the fuxk outta me la. im bored. and my phone's sending out radiation for nothing. it's just trying to kill me. i know it! i just know it! laugh out loud-s. falling in love with the song all over again.. cant help it. lol. and you! you know who you are. you! you owe me a testimonial. i want it! i want it! when you're free. after wednesday you should be free la huh. it's back to school! such a bore. my testimonial! remember.
buy me a tiara and some stars;
12:39:00 AM
Sunday, April 11, 2004
i hate pop-ups. i hate pop-ups. i hate pop-ups. i hate pop-ups!! -screams-
buy me a tiara and some stars;
6:39:00 PM
got home not long ago.. im so freaking shagged. walked so much today. blew my cash on my cab fare. 19.95. wtf. so blardy expensive. all the taxis can just go to hell. and friendster's lagging like fuck. i hate it! i restarted the com twrice. how great. stop lagging la. im so bored now. and sleepy. wonder how's my twin doing.. lol. i love the presents...! =) where's my pressie, wei quan?! i dont want to get it when im 18. you'll probably say.. i have no money. you owe me lots. lol. repay it man! lalala. klara! you can just give up la. i wont igive his number out. and he told me he'll never fall in love with a camper. so, give up! lol. you'll be wasting your time. met him in town. dont pi when you see me!! it's embarrassing. met calista too. and some other bitches. lol. i dont like those bitches la. no, they're sluts. sluts get on my nerves. they can just fuck off and talk to my hand. alrights. im tired. and im going to sleep. tata!
buy me a tiara and some stars;
2:01:00 AM
Saturday, April 10, 2004
found out some truth and i wished i didn't.
it sucks. was a mistake from the start.
maybe you should have just gone for the abortion 15 years ago.
why tell me only now. why put me through all these. dont blame me for his death. i dont know anything. i know you went through pains and brought me up single handedly. you chose that path. dont live to regret it. dont hate me for what happened. blame yourself. you should have just gone for the abortion. you're just 5 months pregnant. nothing will go wrong. you didnt. and you're telling me only now.
just look at the damage you've done. it's too messy to be cleared. too complicated. i know you're exhausted. i am too. why dont you try living my life. it's not fun, at all. i wont and i dont hate you. it's okay if you hate me. i am a mistake. i'll prove to you that you'll be proud to have me.
buy me a tiara and some stars;
12:16:00 PM
Friday, April 09, 2004
Lol. happy advance birthday, patrina hater. lol. have yet to get her pressie. urgh. i dont know what to get for her... lol. thanks for all the wishes, guys.. girls. i can feel the love you[s] have for me. =) im so blessed. lol. mmm. yummy chocolate birthday cake. received this pink bag from 77th which i wanted to get today. lol. and this pooh bear cd holder. yuan li's gonna get ssssooo jealous. it's pooh bear! today was a bad bad day. it was raining. and there was thunder. and of course, lighting. both were one of my greatest fears. ah. wanted to get a hair cut. but dammit, the stylist wasnt in. urgh. how great was my birthday. hate it when my birthday falls on some public holiday. it sucks. last year, it was during the sars break. and people chose to forget about poor o'me. i've got wonderful friends man. tell me, how wonderful they are. you wished you knew them. lol. no la... i've got my clique. they're the best. i love them and they rock my world. alrights. had the best time suan-ing klara on msn late last night. a shout out to klara here: klara! i've got lots to tell you about his day today!! where are you?! lol. my day.. wasnt as bad la. okay. yours was worse. haha. dont think too much, ya? bad for health. =) i care okay. you, people always say im heartless. no! im not. yeah. im fine. nothing great is wrong with me. lol. jaclyn! self-proclaim stupid idiot. im the one la. self-proclaim stupidity. my bandung's sick. my lover too. you guys take care. im worried. =)) drink lots of water! lol. my day wasnt so bad afterall. just that.. some asses supposedly forgot about me. =*( boo hoo. and klara, think about me. not him. he's a pollution to your mind. me, me, me, me! think of me!! im the connector between you and him. so you better think of me, me, me and only me. stupid. alrights, i feel that this is getting out of point. lol. and you! dont think too much. dont work so hard!
buy me a tiara and some stars;
11:40:00 PM
Thursday, April 08, 2004
the banner! didnt realised it looked so good. lol. yeah. it looks better in pictures ya? though i still think it sucks. lol. and we're or rather i am not a juvenile delinquent, nat. i am just in the stage of rebellion. nothing serious other than that. some drinking here and there. occasional hang overs. yeah. that's all. nothing that will freak the hell out of my mum. lol. i love your hair. did i tell you that? haha. yeah. will be getting my hair cut tomorrow. hopefully to come home with a brand new style and a brand new me. was talking to wei quan about starting life anew yesterday. i've decided. im starting my life anew today. but there might be no end to it. it. yeah. lol. let me make things clear ya? i do not and will not have a crush on him. noooo. it's impossible. we're just. just. friends. geddit? friends. =) klara.. you can stop begging me. i will not give his number out. lol. im just keeping my promise. i not a person who doesnt keep promises. yeah. lover, rawkable. if he ever habours some thoughts about me... he's a sinner. ah. guilty. he's attached, for crying out loud. yeah.. stop those silly guesses la. well, if it's true.. then what about leen's?! why always link me and him together?! lol. my heart's taken. it belongs to me. lol. alrights. rew today totally totally sucked. to think i was so enthu about it. argh! dissappointing. sighs. they had this drama group. and this lady talked about her m.i.s.e.r.a.b.l.e life. and she has major grammatical errors. lol. for god's sake. if she thinks her life story's so earth shaking and she led a miserable life. mine's ten times worse. urgh. imagine.. complaining about her father?! god! just think la. at least you've got a dad to love. appreciate him man. what about those who dont have dads.. and never said the word 'daddy' or called someone that before. i just couldnt stand her complains about her dad and some financial issues. like hello...?! i have them too. and i dont have a dad. so, stop complaining. you suck. and nope, i not intending to tell you guys about my family background. i'll know when's the right time to say some stuff. yeah.. and i beg of you please. please dont mention the word father infront of me. cause i wont know what to say. it hurts to think about it. was with hater today. she's just cranky la.. talked about some stuff which i asked to stop. cause it's a waste of energy just to think about it. so, let's all just forget about it yeah? should i go tomorrow? i dont know.........! this is so irritating. i hate it. i hate hypocrites. i hate you, you, you and you. i hate the fickle minded you. i hate the face changing you. i hate everything about you cause you got me all confused. and i hate the fact that you changed your colors so fast. and now, im sure and i know the real you. dont come running back. i know what you're trying to do to me. so just stop before things get worse. i'll act my role out with you faithfully. cause i believe that's what you want. one day. just one day.. i might blow. and you'll see it then. thankyouverymuch. =) and if you're wondering why i dont tell my problems to you guys. it's because i dont know who to trust. and i feel comfortable talking to him. one thing. cause you guys dont give me constructive advices la! but thanks for listening when i needed it. =)) leen told me about the et thingy. lol. let's go to his place and mess it up! leave the clearing to him. lol. we're just so mean to your *ahem. =D -grins widely- yeah. like how you're always teasing me about you-know-who. i'll do the same back to you. im so evil..! lol. well, at least someone's jealous. ahlalala. i lllluuurrrvvveeee making her feel that way. it's fun. lol. i starting to be like jaclyn. which is not a very good thing. lol. *shouts. we are just friends!!!!!
*nat's coussies from aussie.. beside the banner. nope. you're not seeing double.
buy me a tiara and some stars;
8:30:00 PM
Wednesday, April 07, 2004
today was just super funny. okay. finally, i've got down to my art. thank god. *wipes forehead* was taking pictures on twinnie's phone. lol. during school hours, art period. note: school hours. had the greatest time laughing during lunch at oms. it was just super funny la. yuan li bought some ice pop. then someone asked.. need to take sissors and cut. i was like dont need. use teeth bite. so, okay. dionna tried but failed, miserably. then she was just chewing the ice pop... like some caveman. like those who chewed on sugar cane in the eighties. it was fuxking funny. you should have seen. dionna's just lame. lame. and extremely lame. yeah. rew today was great. had a mini concert in the school hall. they sang skater boy, perfect and love song and some other christian songs. it was just great. the lady's voice is just super power. it's so beautiful to hear her sing. i almost cried during the song yesterday. above all. the song's so touching. it's fabulous. okay. back to today. had some shakesphere thingy. almost fell asleep.. but it was funny la. when the mechanics' play took place. mid summer night's dream was dumb. it was so lovesick.. it gets on my nerves. and all the kissing. seems like pl hasnt seen much of this yet, huh. too innocent, i guess. lol. yeah right. went bishan to jalan with a manic. she's crazy, i tell you. patrina's just mad. or has gone mad from everything that's happening. lol. i'll head that way one day. just wait and see. i cant take it no longer. thanks priya, thanks for listening. but i couldnt go on. the atmosphere wasnt right and i couldnt bring myself to cry infront of everyone. it just hurts so bad you're numb from it all. Priya:"Do you trust us?" I dont know. i really dont after what happened. im so confused. and i cant bring myself to trust anyone. i dont want the same thing to happen again. i dont wanna live through it once more. im trying hard to forget everything and there you are reminding me of everything. thanks for the kind concern. but i need some time aside. to think and be sure. some reassurence needed. i know who i can trust. but there's no gurantee in it. can you gurantee you wouldnt destroy my trust. then comes a day.. when you got so angry with me. everything just blows. can i still place my trust and secrets with you? see, that's what i meant. there's no gurantee. i guess all good things come to an end. this is the end.. i think. nothing you do can make things right again.
guess what.. i found out that klara likes ahem. lol. i've got his number.. you want? too bad. i cant give. i gave my promise. he trusted me.. so i'll never destroy that trust unlike some people out there. klara, i'll try to find out when's his birthday, where he stays and so on.. sigh. despite the risk of him thinking i have a crush on him when i do not! my heart's taken. thankyouverymuch. lover! why didn't you come today?! i missed you!! lol. alrights, i'll do what im supposed to do. but how am i gonna start?
wanted to cry badly during chapel. i need to cry.. it's all inside. and i feel like im bursting soon. i need someone to talk to.. and if only you would want to listen. and i pray once more to my father, to take the pain away and set your hands on my wounded heart.
here's something i did yesterday for someone. lol. it's funny cause we dont like her at all! sung to the tune: i love you jesus deep down in my heart.
I love you Plinto.. deep down in my heart.
I love you Plinto deep down in my heart.
Let's talk about Plinto, chiobu. the ultimate chiobu.
Let's talk about Plinto, chiobu. the ultimate chiobu.
buy me a tiara and some stars;
8:06:00 PM
Tuesday, April 06, 2004
i just want to fly higher than an eagle and let the colors of the wind take these tears away...
Go Away
just let me sleep on. and never wake up. so tired and battered. weak and all alone.
buy me a tiara and some stars;
4:42:00 PM
Monday, April 05, 2004
you'll never guess what i saw. horrendous display of colors on a wrinkled face. man. it was the worst, i tell you. the worst. that ladee needs some professional make up help.. now! just save these poor old ladies, please! it was so bad.. i just had to turn away quick. nightmare, i would say. terrible. alrights. it's happy birthday to me again. lol. though it's like 4 days away? im just so excited laaaaa. yuen got me this pink and purple thing. first thought: Barney?! okay. tell me, what's with Barney these days? first, it was my mom. "hey! you favourite dinosaur's coming to town!" i'll admit, alright. yes, barney's my favourite pink and purple dinosaur. but, i prefer bj to barney. second, natalie. i had it with barney during camp, alright. third, this morning. "i've got your birthday pressie! it's pink and purple.." Barney?! just tell me it isnt man. am i just fated or what?! lol. okay. just realised. nat's retarded! she takes retarded pictures! she's worst than me. man. never thought i would meet someone who has a problem with taking retarded pictures. she's worst! lol. *giggles
okay. something's happening this weekend. yep! it's missy's birthday. lol. it's gonna be big! monks? nah. lol. *chants: i want to go tanning someday. and kayating soon. anyone.. heard me?! i feel fat seh. ate soo much junk today. i can never weigh myself when my gf comes to visit me. she's always making me put on extra kilos. and when she's gone.. alas! im free from all the guilt. im heading for crash dieting tomorrow. no food. im fat. fat. fat. fat. fat. fat. i need to lose weight. weight. weight. weight. it's the key essential to making me feel free and happy. =) am still wet from the downpour about 3 hours ago. was lazy to head for a bath. i need excerise badly. and for the first time in my life, i barely made it through lessons. and nope, she didnt have the chance to make me stand! ha! too bad, so sad. fat koh kept staring at me. waiting for the chance to catch me sleeping red-handed. well, i didn't sleep. i kept myself asleep, amazingly. lol. i am a genius. just say it with me. =)
we all miss camp. i just knew it. went back to school. "i miss camp!!" that's all i heard. =/ and the banana song. give me a big nehneh one. =) yeah. i miss camp too. all i can say is.. i didn't regret going. i hate camps for crying out loud. and you. missed out.
if we could go back to what we were before. i know for sure. i wouldn't be crying like i will today. if only we knew then.. to forgive is also to forget. maybe things would have been different. and this relationship developed a fear. a fear to love and to be loved. i missed you. and i always will.. =)
"I miss my admirer!"
buy me a tiara and some stars;
6:22:00 PM
Sunday, April 04, 2004
16 hours of sleep and that's still not enough to keep me going. thanks to jac's msg which played an important role in waking me up this morning. urgh. i still sleepy la.... i've got eight cuts on my legs from washing the toilet. Eight. you see that big auspicious 8?! man. to think i dont even do housework at home. let alone washing the toilet during camp. im a lil tanner now. *smiles. was tanning la. slightly burnt on my shoulder. pipi. you owe me money. lol. alrights. heading for town later. getting a bag and maybe a hair cut. some easter eggs on the way too. lol. my mum's just so cranky, i simply love her. easter eggs, for crying out loud. e.a.s.t.e.r. e.g.g.s?! okay. she's back with my shoe. =) oh lucky me, good friday falls on my birthday. urgh.
buy me a tiara and some stars;
2:32:00 PM
Saturday, April 03, 2004
F is friends who do stuff together. U is for u and me. N is for n-ni-where, anytime at all down here in the deep blue sea.....! I know.. the song doesnt suit the mood of my blog. AT ALL. lol
First things first, alpha camp was a blast. ah.... we're all starting to miss camp already. Got super high during campfire. lol. it was the best la. though i thought our item really, really sucked. hid behind the whole group and sat down beside tanya. blahahaha. just didnt know where to hide my face man. ahhhh.......! my left arm's gonna rot. oh no.. will be left with no arm seh. haha. no la. it's a joke. cause yesterday.. after bathing, walked past Andrew. they were practising their campfire item la. they were doing spongebob.- obviously right.. what other lame stuff can mr. pipi come out with... "xi de guo dong, xi de dong, xin de dong!" --then.. i started shouting "Oh... Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?! Spongebob squarepants!!" ah.. then all my big mouth's fault. he grabbed my arm la.. say what i so enthu, go and join Andrew. -andrew not enthu?- then after he let go.. i said my arm's gonna rot. so that's how the whole rotting thing came about. buhahaha. lame la, i know. didn't sleep last night. our clique were in the canteen.. with mr.pipi. and the rotting thing can to life again. lol. he showed us this paper this girl gave him.. the paper's like so lan. then i say i write one for you in blood la. okay my fault again. he wanted to bite my finger. twinnie say later your finger oso rot. then i'll be left with no arm. lol. damn funny la. all i know is patrina hates him. haha. should have taped down pat's expression during the bonnie song! funny seh. but he's nice la.. maybe only i feel that way... hmm. dont know la. i know he very nice to me. lol. i dont know why so dont ask. he's always disturbing me with the pipipipipi~.. pi! whistle cheer. stupid ass. make me shake head till i dizzy. in the canteen oso make me shake infront of everyone. i sporting mahs. but wait.. at least he say i not bad. i must say more.. jac will be jealous wor. that ass keep teasing me can. say what someone got admirer keep winking at you huh. everytime stare at you. what the FUCK.-so shuang. 3days never say- he stare at me like i can stop him like that.. asshole. whahaha! who's melacca? buahaha! damn funny. leen always kanna from et. lol. then i always kanna from icy. im sleepy~ my camp shirt's nice.. everyone agreed la. cause i did something to it. lol. did the same thing for natalie.... SOH to be exact. lol. okay la, just some form of appreciation. then did the thing for icy. see, im so nice. lol. since he asked so i did it. haha. actually told him that one letter 5 bucks. then design.. one stroke, 1 buck. haha. then he was like forget it. thank me man. i did it for free.... man. today wash toilet.. scrub toilet fool till my arm aching. then got 2 cuts on my knee. jac got one long one after hitting into the water cooler. didnt realise the cut was there till some time later. fuah laus. it was my first time washing toilet seh. but not bad for a first timer. cause i was the only one scrubbing like mad. others were like standing around.. "So dirty.." dirty then scrub la.. as simple as that. i scrub and scrub.. ha! it's clean. ah. so satisfied with myself seh. cause amanda dont do washing and anything that has to do with cleaning and house chores. but then again, i was some what of a clean freak la.. if you ask me to clean something.. then i will clean i till it's super clean. cause cannot stand seeing something dirty. but never mind la.. we clean toilet.. mei mei's group cheered. haha. thanks anyway. okay. natalie's like me. wild. lol. thought attai and icy those kind dont know this kinda stuff one.. but hey.. they suprised me. lol. icy knows alot of people call him gay. saw it on his friendster. attai... haha. she didnt know what it meant la. but told her yesterday. man.. she really got potential to be attai can. a not bad looking one some more. then.. we sat and talked yesterday.. and she asked who's the wildest among all of you. then EVERYONE looked at me can. i where got wild?! okay la. i scold teacher. i vandalise. i stole. i got dc before. i go to parties. i sing out loud whenever i want. i say what i have on mind. i experiment on my own hair.. i wanna get a tattoo but no cash. what else.. i.. can spend money like water. but i also know what's saving. i dont care what others think of me.. err. cant think of anymore. but.. that's not wild okay. it's just........ self-confidence. ha! self-confidence okay. so shut up. im not wild.period. end of story. all in all, alpha camp was a blast and we all wished we could go back in time. lol. that's how fun alpha camp is. trust me. it's fun. for a person like me who hates camps said it was fun.. you have to believe me. those who didnt go missed out la. im glad i did. today's devotion was nice. merry singing. it's so beautiful.
buy me a tiara and some stars;
6:10:00 PM
Thursday, April 01, 2004
alpha camp's like a few hours later. lol. and im here blogging. just got home not long ago... watched the eye2. it was totally crap. nope, not scary at all. wanna catch in the mirror, the johnny depp movie and the day after tomorrow. three super cool shows. imagine the amount of cash i'll be spending on those. lol.
okay.. something happened in class. shan elabourate. i didnt do it. period. end of story. and *e***, i know something. you dont have to act infront of me. but never mind, if you choose to do so.. i cant do anything. i'll just take it that nothing happened at all. but seriously, i think you crossed the line a little too much. if one of your so called closet friend were to do it to you. you'll be so blardy hurt. and i am right now. fucking hurt. and so fucked up. but, never mind. it's okay. at least i learnt a lesson. guess god must have his reasons. i shall not ask. i'll close the chapter here, now. it's a bad bad episode that should be erased. thanks for the early birthday pressie hun. you've done a fucking good job. no flaws at all. thanks for being such a hypocrite. thanks alot.
and i know.. i cant trust anyone anymore. even myself.
buy me a tiara and some stars;
12:51:00 AM
Friday, April 30, 2004
i still believe in fairy tales and a thing called miracles.
buy me a tiara and some stars;
beautiful things arent in black and white. =)
i had my sun done in pale orange and growing rays.
http://www.neave.com
this guy's a genius. go check him out.
i love graffiti art.
so wonderful, it leaves me wanting for more.
i love colors.
for it gave life many pleasures.
the fate of mankind is in the hands of fools.
i couldnt agree more.
war equals salvation?
kiss my arse.
i screwed up.
chinese paper one's a goner.
hopes are dashed.
oh well.
what can i say.
god is unfair, life has always been unfair.
her actions disgust me.
javascript application . . . . loading.
just shoot me.
i so wanna be dead. this very moment.
she's such a worm.
scumbag. slander.
blardy fucker.
go away.
she's poison for my eyes.
oh god. i will be blind. soon.
just watch.
or was i already?
should have seen through her mask.
damn shit.
was i that stupid?
i was too lost.
intoxicated.
you messed things up.
pay back. now.
hey alien. leen loves you, alright?
we all do.
its not the end of the world.
not till mine's over. =)
nothing is permitted.
we're all controlled.
by someone,
somewhere.
and all we could ask for is liberation,
please,
just leave us alone.
caught in the web of confusions,
save me from drowning,
in your lies,
i found myself sleeping.
buy me a tiara and some stars;
Thursday, April 29, 2004
didnt head for school today. geog notes almost done. someone called. three times. i didnt answer. didnt know who it was. didnt want to know. didnt wish to know.
talked with leen and vian on the phone. talked about lots of stuff. lol. we're heading for the gym after the exams. felt that we were getting fatter and flabbier. girls. sigh. never ending diets. lol. its funny eh. i crushed diet. lots of times. sun tanning sessions after the exams. clubbing too. all happening after the exams. man, i cant wait for it to be over. i wanna busk in the sun. go kayating, gym sessions. to put my sweat glands to work. something really funny happened. the whole class missed art lesson. leaving only one period when ong came up and screamed at us. "Girls. take your things and go to the art room now." apparently, we heard froggy saying she wanted the art lessons for some math revision. so, we had some self-declared, as ong would say it, free periods. hahas.
we talked and talked. pe ended early, super early. she walked off. leaving us puzzled. someone said its because we didnt wanna get into groups of five. whatever la. we rock. went up to class. and talked. about my thingy. vian asked me to settle this thing. sit down and talk with them. she said its only a matter of time that things will get back to normal. i really hope so too. but if they had no intension of saving this friendship, so be it. if i keep budging and they keep backing off. nothing good will come out of it. conclusion. i'll leave things as it is. as far as i know, someone has been spreading tales about me. that's how the whole thing started, i suppose. saddness man. if i have thread and a needle, i would grabbed that fucker and sew her mouth up. she's been acting really nice infront of me. being really caring towards me. but hey, im not some pre-school toddler. i know what's going on. dont take me for a fool. i've got people telling me the things you have been saying. i would shoot you a hundred times till your mama can hardly regconise you if i had a gun. and you. dont quote me. if i had only recorded things down in black and white, i'll trash things out with you. you better watch your back. you'll stumble and fall. all my adversaries and foes will. that bitch's such a fucker. stop speaking in my name. slander. stupid bitch.
and et, leen doesnt like you so she aint msging you. lols. no, no. dont believe me. hehs. and thanks for your concern la ya. im very upset. would you like to hear me out? hahas. things got to a point where im too tired to do anything. if i could, i'll leave. someone please. believe me for once. no one ever did. im still human. your constant 'i dont believe you's are unbearable.
saddness man. i cant take it anymore. the anger builds up each time i think of the things you did. damn shit. you can blardy hell make your way to the gates of hell now. dammit. and thanks for your speech during chapel yesterday. talking about yourself eh? it doesnt make sense if you're the one doing all this crap. guess you enjoy seeing me cry. you suck la. it just goes out to show what kinda person you are. i made a mistake man. i was wrong about you. you're my greatest regret. shouldnt have let you into my life. i would give up everything. to get my life back to what it was. how can i possibly smile like before. like a fool, i stood by you. and now, you're turning your back on me. thanks alot man. and YOU. thanks for giving others a false testimony about me. thanks alot. i really appreciate it. and dont ever think that you can bring me down. im stronger than you think i am. YOU. STINK. period.
buy me a tiara and some stars;
Tuesday, April 27, 2004
i miss you and i always will.
things are going bad. maybe there's a misunderstanding somewhere. we shared the laughter, shared the tears. i gave so much. didnt expect to get this in return. it hurt so bad. i did your blog, helped you with your art, shared so many darn things with you, stole a orange straw. to think after all these, you turned your back on me. and when you said your friends were leaving one by one. i stayed behind.. to be your friend. and now, you're treating me like you've never seen me before. is this what friends are for? and you. i thought you were my friend. someone true. no, you ignored me like they did. and no, im not blaming you guys. i enjoyed the times spent messing around with you. and if this has to come to an end now.. i've no regrets. im sorry if what i did hurt you in a way or two. im sorry if things i said upset you some way or another. im sorry if the constant, what you guys called 'attacks', friendly arguments were too much for you to handle. im sorry, im sorry, im sorry. i didnt realise our years together had to end like this. right now, i know.. you guys hate me. for some reasons, i dont know. and wouldnt want to know if you guys dont wish to tell me. i dont hate you. im not talking only because you said you didnt like me. i just didnt wish to irritate you further. your presence still lingers. maybe. it's all one-sided. i gave too much. i expected nothing in return. but you hurt me too much, too deep. all these are just hear-says. if i heard it from you.. i would believe and back off. just tell me you hate me, if you really do. your constant grouping behind's intimidating. i screamed today. i was getting irritated and angry. emotions were running high. i was irritating at the way you people stared at me. i was angry at how you guys were treating me after all i've done. and now, you're doubting me. i want to know why are you people against me. i want to know so many things. are we still friends?
buy me a tiara and some stars;
Monday, April 26, 2004
sadness man! had a terrible, terrible day. so many darn things happened. felt like crap. i dont know why. but felt that they had something against me. refused to speak to me. left me all alone. fine. that's fine. my fucking phone had problems. again. that sim card registration failed thingy. it showed that fucking msg so many fucking times. time to change phone, i guess. any sponsors? please contact me at 9*******. thankyouverymuch. alrights. so. i got splashed outside school. by some sec twos. fuckers man. they're gonna get it from me. mmm. mental note:bring 1.5 litres bottle filled full with water. honey water will be fine too. find those sec twos. say 'hello, im the girl you splashed water on. how's your day?' smile. shake their hands. pour the bottle of water over them. *grins
lol. sounds fun eh. hur hur hur. alrights. then it was to bishan.. with yuan li. journey was fine. walked to the station.. so many eyes were on me like there's was something wrong. nope, there isnt. got to toa payoh. almost got killed by flying cans of sardines. thank god. my mom pulled me back. i would have died. *phew. and my phone was lagging like fuck. man, never had so many thingys happen in a day. sigh. bad day huh. alrights.
got real lame during chinese. and it's LI BING and SHI ZHEN together forever ya? hur hur hur. i know she cant stand it. lol. seems like i have some affinity with this yu ying guy. i see him every morning on my way to school. i see him outside. i saw him on saturday at cine. i met him today.. again. urgh!
i need to study. study. study. study. i'll be back after the exams. see you then. =)
buy me a tiara and some stars;
Friday, April 23, 2004
alrighties! we're over and done with that fucked up exhibition. lol. it was.. lame. and totally meaningless. a total waste of time. got home so freaking late. like 2040?! how late is that seh. i was like the only weirdo in school uniform in that weird train with weird people. the couple opposite me supposingly had a fight. i saw the lady drop some eyelids. yeah. and that guy was going "Please, please. please" please what?! i dont know. and he had his hand on her thigh. squeezing it every now and then. and she was like "dont touch me. dont touch me" lol man. it was fucking hilarious. and then.. this pregnant lady sat beside me. her family.. consisting of a old lady and her husband. they were pratically engulfing me. and that old lady.. pointed to this sign above me. that "give up your seat to someone who needs it more than you do" thingy. guess she was indicating that I SHOULD give my seat up.. for her. she dont look that old to me. haha. and nnnnnnooo. i didnt give up my seat. i was too tired, too lazy. and my bag was freaking heavy, felt like i was carrying a grand piano inside or something. it was totally insane la. sigh. feel fat again man. haha. slacked throughout the exhibition. talked.. alot. laughed like hell. took lots of pictures. joyccccceeeeeeeee lifted me. which hurt. haha. she can lift me man. im like so heavy?! alrights. haha. today was good. i need times like these. lol. alrights. here's something i know becca will love...... haha!
buy me a tiara and some stars;
Thursday, April 22, 2004
we've got two peeps celebrating their birthdays today! how sweet eh. lol. alrights. something i want to make clear. I DO NOT LIKE HIM. i know someone sure say something.. that's why im saying it. lol. alrights. i watched CNA the whole afternoon. amazing, aint it. lol. it was all on nicoll highway. a tragic case, i must say. scanning through the net for more. lol. okay. i shall stop laughing. this aint a laughing matter right. heard from mum that some lta engineer who committed suicide cause the work at the highway was too stressing. that engineer said before once that the soil was not good. and so, now we know. it's true. here's something i wanna share from todayonline.com:
LTA engineer who took his life last year wanted transfer from Nicoll Highway site
The Nicoll Highway worksite that claimed one life, and possibly three others, played a part in the deaths a year ago of a man and his son. On May 7, Mr Chow Peng Wah, a senior engineer with the Land Transport Authority, strangled his 11-year-old son before leaping to his death. Mr Chow, then 44, had been working at the Nicoll Highway site, and his actions were attributed to the depression he suffered as a result of stresses at work. At the coroner's enquiry in January this year, it was disclosed that Mr Chow had asked repeatedly to be transferred from the site. His job was to supervise the construction of the Nicoll Highway MRT station on the soft marine clay and to safeguard the surrounding structures and buildings. His responsibilities included updating management and tenants on the project. Yesterday, his widow, Madam Lee Siew Lian, 46, told Today her husband had become increasingly stressed and anxious because of his concerns about safety issues at the work site. In January last year, Mr Chow began sharing his worries with his wife. He said he could not cope with his work and had contemplated resigning. Mdm Lee, an electrical engineering lecturer, remembers him telling her: "Siew Lian, something very serious is going to happen."
Mr Chua, who had more than 20 years' experience as a civil engineer, had overseen the construction of Kovan station on the North-East Line. "Other projects went very well," said Mdm Lee. "But he shared with me problems that this site had with soil conditions. She said when news of the Nicoll Highway collapse broke yesterday, her 15-year-old daughter Xueyi told her: "Daddy's predictions have come true."
did he or did he not report this to the authority? if he did, did they brush it off or did they already knew before hand that the place they were working had serious soil conditions? if they knew.. are we gonna blame them for what happened? for not raising this? for not taking such stuff seriously? for not taking the workers' safety into consideration? is this what we call a safe enviroment? we're talking about lives here. thousands of them. it's a highway for crying out loud. thank goodness there was a jam. that highway could have been crowded with cars and buses. just imagine that big number of people who could suffer from this collapse. just by thinking of it scares me. i condemn Nishimatsu Constuction and Lum Chang Construction. they were the main contractors of the section of MRT's circle line that had collapsed. these are the people whom i really wish shot dead. and what if this hadnt happened? if this part of circle line had been up and people were travelling in it. if the collapse happened only then. it would be drastic. just imagine the carnage it would cause. thanks so much for building circle line to 'improve' transport from place to place. looked what happened? guess that's what you guys wanted. happy now? i'll keep those families in my prayers. im not a christian though. lol. i hate a* ong. i'll send my prayer up tonight. it shall go like this....: God, everyone says "God's almighty" and if you're almight. oh Lord, wont you please take a* ong away from us. we, mankind, do not wish to suffer from biasness. and we do not wish to suffer under her. no mankind should live to suffer like us. and if you would be kind enough.. we wouldnt want to live in hell. if this is what you should call hell. please. please take us away from this all. in jesus name i pray, amen.
LAUGH OUT LOUD man. it's so funny. hear my prayer. haha. ong's a bias freak. i hate her, i hate her, i hate her. period. =))))
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Wednesday, April 21, 2004
HELP. im so shagged. i need sleep. there's still an hour to 5.30am. then.. i can take my bath and head for school. to SLEEP. yeah. sleep. haven slept since yesterday. was doing art. finished my prep work. final piece? err. i need ah ling's help. ah fang promised to call me but.. she didnt. you stupid bitch. lalala. im crappy. cant blame an innocent soul. she didnt sleep. urgh. alrights. shall go have my bath now. =))) and answer me SHOULD I DROP ART?
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Tuesday, April 20, 2004
did i make a mistake in choosing art as a subject? do i even have the talent for art? im starting to question myself. im losing interest and my drawing's getting suckier. should i drop art? someone.. enlighten me. please.
buy me a tiara and some stars;
Monday, April 19, 2004
-screams- had the crappiest day in school.. today. morning assembly was crap. addressed us about some crappified stuff. one thing i've got to say: my online PERSONAL diary has nothing to do with you. and since it's personal, though im posting for everyone out there to read, you have got no right to interfere with what i have to say and what kinda language im using. teachers were or are suffering from daily pms, which is bad. teachers including males. lol. they were screaming like fuxk. for whatever reasons, i dont know. but never mind, had countless moments like these. so im fine with all the screamings and shoutings. like i dont get that from teachers on a personal level. had crappified food for recess. the lemon barley tasted like crap. then came chemistry lesson at the lab. for some reasons not disclosed, she checked on our seatings. our bench had index numbers 13, 14, 15 and 16. okay. so it's jaclyn, eileen, ma and jasmine. jasmine sat infront.. okay. fine. she made jaclyn move to the place where eileen was supposed to sit. and me? my original position. ha! our bench had only the two of us. what's funny is that.. the only that separted us was the sink. -.-|| -screams- this is so crappy! she wants to sow discord between us. ba! im so sad. then what's all those crap about living in harmony? someone, enlighten me. please. i dont wanna live on as a crappified and confused idiot. and the weather was crap. it was fuxking hot. we had to do our art outside. apparently, ah mei didnt want to go in cause she didnt want the art club girls to look at her 'ugly' master piece. as a result, we all suffered in that crappy weather with her because of that crappy piece of shitified reason. all in all, i sum today up as C.R.A.P. yay! lol. gonna get down to my final piece after this. the exhibition's this friday and i've not even started. im so dead, i know. =) heading to the immigration to do my ic. sigh. waste of time. lol. exams are coming - another reason to add to my crappified day. sigh. my life's so interesting.
had lunch at compass. some ij girls were.. dots. we were like the only pl lites there. kinda awkward though. but we still ate. it's essential to eat. had a crappy topic during morning assembly: eating healthy. the message put across?: pl lites are getting bigger. period. hur hur hur. im so mean! well, if im not mean. im not called Amanda. *smiles
buy me a tiara and some stars;
Saturday, April 17, 2004
quizzy! lol. haven done one for a long time.. alrights. this one's dumb. i know. man. i feel so stupid. lol. got it off jiaxin's blog. some friend of my sis'
Lol! i feel stupid! lol. lack of sensitivity?! lol. okay, i admit. im ignorant to others, happy? lol. alright. enough of these dumb quizzes. they make me feel stupid. and im stupid enough already. lol.
cut my hair today. ive got a fringe that's
2cm Note: 2 CM. okay la. not the whole thingy. just part of it's 2cm. that frightening two. lol. well, it looks alright to me. i need changes, remember? i need excitement. tons of them. cant stand it when there's no excitment or changes. it totally sucks. imagine life without it. BORING. you're boring if you hate changes and excitment. ba! i feel stupid again. lol. WE. didnt go out today. sorry, twin. I. had to go for a hair cut. SHE. had to meet her mum. THEY. didnt confirm anything. so, I. went for a hair cut instead. and, WE are gonna make my ic on wednesday. lol. my mum and me la. my ic photo sucks. whoever came up with the hair-cannot-cover-eye-brows thingy is an idiot who's stupid and brainless with NO sense of fashion. to top it off, that person's foolish and cannot think straight. eeeexxxx-ccccccuuuuuussssssseeeeeeeee me! ladies' eye brows are ever changing. ever heard of eye brow trimming?! dumb shit. that person's a lumposhit. this shows that .. that person doesnt think! god didnt give you brains for nothing, you piece of shit. now, i look fuxking ugly in that piece of useless photo and it's all your fault, you piece of shit. thanks alot, shit. if i could, i would SHOOT you down, you piece of unwanted shit. fuck him la. aiyo, i dont wanna fuck him. it's too grossified. lol. okay. i shall be a good citizen and STOP slamming the govt. lol. i just cant stand them. i need a redress!!!!!!! waddafuck?! lol. i declare that I, Amanda, do not support the govt. but hey, i've got no say in anything. even if i do.. which ass in the parliment would listen?! lol. okay! im so mean. shall shuddup. lol. i need to shut up! sorry la. im shutting now. dont slam me. hur hur hur. is it wrong to love oneself? please, answer me. lalala~ im just bored. responding to something in the letter. lol. "you love yourself...?" yeah. i love myself. why? cannot issit?! im narcissistic. got a problem with that?! no? then shuddup and fuxk off. go, shoo. you're a waste of time. la di da. and you wanna cry? then go ahead. it's none of my business. lalala. have got enough problems of my own. dont burden me with more. fuxk off la, ya?! i dont see a need to waste my time on a junior whom has not matured and whom i cannot clique with. lalala~ i rather waste my time on myself. hur hur hur. my fringe's really 2cm. i measured it. it's not funny. dont laugh. you'll be shot if you do. =)
buy me a tiara and some stars;
Friday, April 16, 2004
alrights. i didnt head for school today. first, i woke up late. second, the pain in my legs were killing me. it's a torture just to walk. third, decided not to go school because i was tired. fourth, look at the time. even if i head for school, i'll be late. fifth, was so fucking lazy to crawl out of bed with those legs. sixth, the bed made me go back to my beauty sleep. seventh, decided to stay home today to do my art. alrights. cant think of any more. im bored. i need to see a doctor later. all by myself. hur hur hur. to get an mc. that's why im seeing a doctor, dumb. i dont want my grams to accompany me. no, no way. she'll probably feed me with those kinda medication when there's nothing really wrong with me! im just tired. am always tired, dont you realised? lol. dont laugh at me. my energy level's limited. =) im sucha slacker. but i like it. lalala. see what you can do to me. nothing! klara.. where are you. i've got lots to tell you about your lover.. my admirer. lol. no la. he's not my admirer. just a name given to him by my clique. why? ask them. i seriously have no idea la. klara, he's camping at sentosa today. ah! i wanna go tanning!! it's sucks. exams are near. cant go anywhere fun till the exams are all over. if i could, i would shoot the person who invented exams and math. lover just told me alot of people never go school today. yep. still.. i've gotta go get an mc. aiyo. it's only me, becca and chongster. 3 only! that's alot to her not to me. lol. hur hur hur. silly ass. =) *sings: say it isnt so, tell me you're not leaving. say you changed your mind now, that i am only dreaming.. this is not goodbye.. this is starting over. if you wanna know, i dont wanna let go. say it isnt so.* beautiful song, aint it. i simply love gareth gates. he sings beautifully. =) lalala. where is the love? in my father's backside. hur hur hur. fergie's got a great bod. no.... not that football coach! alright, he's got a hot bod to boot. lol. early mornings are the best time to download songs. lol. alright! i finally found the heineken song. i love that song, right joyce? lol. mm. music's my first love. be it old, new, rock or punk. it's music, i love it. lol.
becca's grams passed away just today. there are deaths everywhere. im not afraid if death comes knocking on my door. cause i know i'll go knowing im loved by many. but im afraid if death knocks on the wrong door. if it looks for someone else in my family. im so afraid.. that'll i'll wake up one day to find my loved one gone. like they always say, it's all fated. i dont believe fate. i do believe that we all have the power to change the way fate goes round. why am i preaching anyway? urgh. i dont know.. just some random thoughts of mine. heading for town tomorrow! yay! and i still owe christy money for the neos. lol. wanna get some shoes and clothes. shall go shopping. hur hur hur.
Becca: take care ya? dont stress yourself out at this point of time. take great care and smile on.
buy me a tiara and some stars;
Thursday, April 15, 2004
did my 2.4 today. suprisingly, am not feeling tired like before. lol. =) smiles. haha. thinking of doing my 5 items again. not very happy with my incline and s.run. yep. went bishan to meet wei quan with ah pau and christy. jac joined us later. lol. he stays at st22 and he took an hour to come down. how smart huh. took some neos today. yep. half way through my art research. getting back to work soon. hur hur. shan't go into the details of the meeting. lol. yep. didnt talk much today. lalala. klara, you wanna come with me to the andrew outing? lol. your lover asked me to go so, im doing a kind deed by asking you along since it's kindness week! lol. alrights. jie ying's my new seating partner. ms ho's weird. first she said im short so she put me all the way infront. and now? right at the back la. stupid. and my jaclyn's so far away from me.. no more crapping during lessons. ba! im so sad. lol. cant ms ho just place the both of us together? lol. told you she's weird. she wanted us to bond that's why she kept changing our places. but excuse me, how can we bond if you keep putting us with our ex-classmates together?! lol. but im fine with it. =)
buy me a tiara and some stars;
Wednesday, April 14, 2004
i didnt go to school this morning. things came to a point where i was too tired to do anything. i slept in. need my rest to continue my journey to nowhere. am hoping to find a goal soon. things are so fucked up. incompleted art prep work. incompleted literature notes. incompleted this, incompleted that. told you things were so fucked up. gotta get down to work, amanda. i cant afford to stop at this point of time. im lagging, so badly. so shagged. just wanna sleep the world away and never get up. it's useless doing so much when nothing gets returned. im tired. just let go.
buy me a tiara and some stars;
Tuesday, April 13, 2004
had my napfa.. this afternoon which was yesterday. lol. rather satisfied with my stb's results. 177cm and 185cm. *smiles widely* for a person that short to jump that far counted quite good ya? lol. fancy me praising myself. oh man. lol. sit and reach was fine. i've got an A. finally. lols. yanyi's a cheater la. and mrs tee couldnt be bothered. so yeah. that's how i got away with an A. hey! but i really did stretch! i did not cheat!! lols. serious man. alrights. im gonna fail my 2.4. yes, i am. 'when you say nothing at all' is a beautiful song. it's kinda long ago, yeah.. that i know. who cares?! find the song really soothing. that's all. any harm? no. lol. my hp bill's gonna explode. and it's only the beginning of the month?! im so dead. all his fault la. each time the msg comes in, it's always the time when im super bored. if the message came in when im busy. i wouldnt even reply. all his fault la. stupid ass. haven done my art prep work. i know, i so dead. just shoot me. lol. was at compass point with bon and er-he. lol. talked about lots of stuff. told them about something that happened recently. haven told anyone. they were the second. so, yeah. you girls dont know anything yeah. this should explain why i kept refilling my glass with alcohol that day. i decided to keep it from school peeps. dont see the reason why they should know. yep. the only ones who wouldnt breathe a word about what i said were those who knew about what happened. and there were only 3 of them la... no worries. lol. im talking crap here man. stop it! mrs wong was a terror today. she's madness!! lol. she scares the fuxk outta me la. im bored. and my phone's sending out radiation for nothing. it's just trying to kill me. i know it! i just know it! laugh out loud-s. falling in love with the song all over again.. cant help it. lol. and you! you know who you are. you! you owe me a testimonial. i want it! i want it! when you're free. after wednesday you should be free la huh. it's back to school! such a bore. my testimonial! remember.
buy me a tiara and some stars;
Sunday, April 11, 2004
i hate pop-ups. i hate pop-ups. i hate pop-ups. i hate pop-ups!! -screams-
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got home not long ago.. im so freaking shagged. walked so much today. blew my cash on my cab fare. 19.95. wtf. so blardy expensive. all the taxis can just go to hell. and friendster's lagging like fuck. i hate it! i restarted the com twrice. how great. stop lagging la. im so bored now. and sleepy. wonder how's my twin doing.. lol. i love the presents...! =) where's my pressie, wei quan?! i dont want to get it when im 18. you'll probably say.. i have no money. you owe me lots. lol. repay it man! lalala. klara! you can just give up la. i wont igive his number out. and he told me he'll never fall in love with a camper. so, give up! lol. you'll be wasting your time. met him in town. dont pi when you see me!! it's embarrassing. met calista too. and some other bitches. lol. i dont like those bitches la. no, they're sluts. sluts get on my nerves. they can just fuck off and talk to my hand. alrights. im tired. and im going to sleep. tata!
buy me a tiara and some stars;
Saturday, April 10, 2004
found out some truth and i wished i didn't.
it sucks. was a mistake from the start.
maybe you should have just gone for the abortion 15 years ago.
why tell me only now. why put me through all these. dont blame me for his death. i dont know anything. i know you went through pains and brought me up single handedly. you chose that path. dont live to regret it. dont hate me for what happened. blame yourself. you should have just gone for the abortion. you're just 5 months pregnant. nothing will go wrong. you didnt. and you're telling me only now.
just look at the damage you've done. it's too messy to be cleared. too complicated. i know you're exhausted. i am too. why dont you try living my life. it's not fun, at all. i wont and i dont hate you. it's okay if you hate me. i am a mistake. i'll prove to you that you'll be proud to have me.
buy me a tiara and some stars;
Friday, April 09, 2004
Lol. happy advance birthday, patrina hater. lol. have yet to get her pressie. urgh. i dont know what to get for her... lol. thanks for all the wishes, guys.. girls. i can feel the love you[s] have for me. =) im so blessed. lol. mmm. yummy chocolate birthday cake. received this pink bag from 77th which i wanted to get today. lol. and this pooh bear cd holder. yuan li's gonna get ssssooo jealous. it's pooh bear! today was a bad bad day. it was raining. and there was thunder. and of course, lighting. both were one of my greatest fears. ah. wanted to get a hair cut. but dammit, the stylist wasnt in. urgh. how great was my birthday. hate it when my birthday falls on some public holiday. it sucks. last year, it was during the sars break. and people chose to forget about poor o'me. i've got wonderful friends man. tell me, how wonderful they are. you wished you knew them. lol. no la... i've got my clique. they're the best. i love them and they rock my world. alrights. had the best time suan-ing klara on msn late last night. a shout out to klara here: klara! i've got lots to tell you about his day today!! where are you?! lol. my day.. wasnt as bad la. okay. yours was worse. haha. dont think too much, ya? bad for health. =) i care okay. you, people always say im heartless. no! im not. yeah. im fine. nothing great is wrong with me. lol. jaclyn! self-proclaim stupid idiot. im the one la. self-proclaim stupidity. my bandung's sick. my lover too. you guys take care. im worried. =)) drink lots of water! lol. my day wasnt so bad afterall. just that.. some asses supposedly forgot about me. =*( boo hoo. and klara, think about me. not him. he's a pollution to your mind. me, me, me, me! think of me!! im the connector between you and him. so you better think of me, me, me and only me. stupid. alrights, i feel that this is getting out of point. lol. and you! dont think too much. dont work so hard!
buy me a tiara and some stars;
Thursday, April 08, 2004
the banner! didnt realised it looked so good. lol. yeah. it looks better in pictures ya? though i still think it sucks. lol. and we're or rather i am not a juvenile delinquent, nat. i am just in the stage of rebellion. nothing serious other than that. some drinking here and there. occasional hang overs. yeah. that's all. nothing that will freak the hell out of my mum. lol. i love your hair. did i tell you that? haha. yeah. will be getting my hair cut tomorrow. hopefully to come home with a brand new style and a brand new me. was talking to wei quan about starting life anew yesterday. i've decided. im starting my life anew today. but there might be no end to it. it. yeah. lol. let me make things clear ya? i do not and will not have a crush on him. noooo. it's impossible. we're just. just. friends. geddit? friends. =) klara.. you can stop begging me. i will not give his number out. lol. im just keeping my promise. i not a person who doesnt keep promises. yeah. lover, rawkable. if he ever habours some thoughts about me... he's a sinner. ah. guilty. he's attached, for crying out loud. yeah.. stop those silly guesses la. well, if it's true.. then what about leen's?! why always link me and him together?! lol. my heart's taken. it belongs to me. lol. alrights. rew today totally totally sucked. to think i was so enthu about it. argh! dissappointing. sighs. they had this drama group. and this lady talked about her m.i.s.e.r.a.b.l.e life. and she has major grammatical errors. lol. for god's sake. if she thinks her life story's so earth shaking and she led a miserable life. mine's ten times worse. urgh. imagine.. complaining about her father?! god! just think la. at least you've got a dad to love. appreciate him man. what about those who dont have dads.. and never said the word 'daddy' or called someone that before. i just couldnt stand her complains about her dad and some financial issues. like hello...?! i have them too. and i dont have a dad. so, stop complaining. you suck. and nope, i not intending to tell you guys about my family background. i'll know when's the right time to say some stuff. yeah.. and i beg of you please. please dont mention the word father infront of me. cause i wont know what to say. it hurts to think about it. was with hater today. she's just cranky la.. talked about some stuff which i asked to stop. cause it's a waste of energy just to think about it. so, let's all just forget about it yeah? should i go tomorrow? i dont know.........! this is so irritating. i hate it. i hate hypocrites. i hate you, you, you and you. i hate the fickle minded you. i hate the face changing you. i hate everything about you cause you got me all confused. and i hate the fact that you changed your colors so fast. and now, im sure and i know the real you. dont come running back. i know what you're trying to do to me. so just stop before things get worse. i'll act my role out with you faithfully. cause i believe that's what you want. one day. just one day.. i might blow. and you'll see it then. thankyouverymuch. =) and if you're wondering why i dont tell my problems to you guys. it's because i dont know who to trust. and i feel comfortable talking to him. one thing. cause you guys dont give me constructive advices la! but thanks for listening when i needed it. =)) leen told me about the et thingy. lol. let's go to his place and mess it up! leave the clearing to him. lol. we're just so mean to your *ahem. =D -grins widely- yeah. like how you're always teasing me about you-know-who. i'll do the same back to you. im so evil..! lol. well, at least someone's jealous. ahlalala. i lllluuurrrvvveeee making her feel that way. it's fun. lol. i starting to be like jaclyn. which is not a very good thing. lol. *shouts. we are just friends!!!!!
*nat's coussies from aussie.. beside the banner. nope. you're not seeing double.
buy me a tiara and some stars;
Wednesday, April 07, 2004
today was just super funny. okay. finally, i've got down to my art. thank god. *wipes forehead* was taking pictures on twinnie's phone. lol. during school hours, art period. note: school hours. had the greatest time laughing during lunch at oms. it was just super funny la. yuan li bought some ice pop. then someone asked.. need to take sissors and cut. i was like dont need. use teeth bite. so, okay. dionna tried but failed, miserably. then she was just chewing the ice pop... like some caveman. like those who chewed on sugar cane in the eighties. it was fuxking funny. you should have seen. dionna's just lame. lame. and extremely lame. yeah. rew today was great. had a mini concert in the school hall. they sang skater boy, perfect and love song and some other christian songs. it was just great. the lady's voice is just super power. it's so beautiful to hear her sing. i almost cried during the song yesterday. above all. the song's so touching. it's fabulous. okay. back to today. had some shakesphere thingy. almost fell asleep.. but it was funny la. when the mechanics' play took place. mid summer night's dream was dumb. it was so lovesick.. it gets on my nerves. and all the kissing. seems like pl hasnt seen much of this yet, huh. too innocent, i guess. lol. yeah right. went bishan to jalan with a manic. she's crazy, i tell you. patrina's just mad. or has gone mad from everything that's happening. lol. i'll head that way one day. just wait and see. i cant take it no longer. thanks priya, thanks for listening. but i couldnt go on. the atmosphere wasnt right and i couldnt bring myself to cry infront of everyone. it just hurts so bad you're numb from it all. Priya:"Do you trust us?" I dont know. i really dont after what happened. im so confused. and i cant bring myself to trust anyone. i dont want the same thing to happen again. i dont wanna live through it once more. im trying hard to forget everything and there you are reminding me of everything. thanks for the kind concern. but i need some time aside. to think and be sure. some reassurence needed. i know who i can trust. but there's no gurantee in it. can you gurantee you wouldnt destroy my trust. then comes a day.. when you got so angry with me. everything just blows. can i still place my trust and secrets with you? see, that's what i meant. there's no gurantee. i guess all good things come to an end. this is the end.. i think. nothing you do can make things right again.
guess what.. i found out that klara likes ahem. lol. i've got his number.. you want? too bad. i cant give. i gave my promise. he trusted me.. so i'll never destroy that trust unlike some people out there. klara, i'll try to find out when's his birthday, where he stays and so on.. sigh. despite the risk of him thinking i have a crush on him when i do not! my heart's taken. thankyouverymuch. lover! why didn't you come today?! i missed you!! lol. alrights, i'll do what im supposed to do. but how am i gonna start?
wanted to cry badly during chapel. i need to cry.. it's all inside. and i feel like im bursting soon. i need someone to talk to.. and if only you would want to listen. and i pray once more to my father, to take the pain away and set your hands on my wounded heart.
here's something i did yesterday for someone. lol. it's funny cause we dont like her at all! sung to the tune: i love you jesus deep down in my heart.
I love you Plinto.. deep down in my heart.
I love you Plinto deep down in my heart.
Let's talk about Plinto, chiobu. the ultimate chiobu.
Let's talk about Plinto, chiobu. the ultimate chiobu.
buy me a tiara and some stars;
Tuesday, April 06, 2004
i just want to fly higher than an eagle and let the colors of the wind take these tears away...
Go Away
just let me sleep on. and never wake up. so tired and battered. weak and all alone.
buy me a tiara and some stars;
Monday, April 05, 2004
you'll never guess what i saw. horrendous display of colors on a wrinkled face. man. it was the worst, i tell you. the worst. that ladee needs some professional make up help.. now! just save these poor old ladies, please! it was so bad.. i just had to turn away quick. nightmare, i would say. terrible. alrights. it's happy birthday to me again. lol. though it's like 4 days away? im just so excited laaaaa. yuen got me this pink and purple thing. first thought: Barney?! okay. tell me, what's with Barney these days? first, it was my mom. "hey! you favourite dinosaur's coming to town!" i'll admit, alright. yes, barney's my favourite pink and purple dinosaur. but, i prefer bj to barney. second, natalie. i had it with barney during camp, alright. third, this morning. "i've got your birthday pressie! it's pink and purple.." Barney?! just tell me it isnt man. am i just fated or what?! lol. okay. just realised. nat's retarded! she takes retarded pictures! she's worst than me. man. never thought i would meet someone who has a problem with taking retarded pictures. she's worst! lol. *giggles
okay. something's happening this weekend. yep! it's missy's birthday. lol. it's gonna be big! monks? nah. lol. *chants: i want to go tanning someday. and kayating soon. anyone.. heard me?! i feel fat seh. ate soo much junk today. i can never weigh myself when my gf comes to visit me. she's always making me put on extra kilos. and when she's gone.. alas! im free from all the guilt. im heading for crash dieting tomorrow. no food. im fat. fat. fat. fat. fat. fat. i need to lose weight. weight. weight. weight. it's the key essential to making me feel free and happy. =) am still wet from the downpour about 3 hours ago. was lazy to head for a bath. i need excerise badly. and for the first time in my life, i barely made it through lessons. and nope, she didnt have the chance to make me stand! ha! too bad, so sad. fat koh kept staring at me. waiting for the chance to catch me sleeping red-handed. well, i didn't sleep. i kept myself asleep, amazingly. lol. i am a genius. just say it with me. =)
we all miss camp. i just knew it. went back to school. "i miss camp!!" that's all i heard. =/ and the banana song. give me a big nehneh one. =) yeah. i miss camp too. all i can say is.. i didn't regret going. i hate camps for crying out loud. and you. missed out.
if we could go back to what we were before. i know for sure. i wouldn't be crying like i will today. if only we knew then.. to forgive is also to forget. maybe things would have been different. and this relationship developed a fear. a fear to love and to be loved. i missed you. and i always will.. =)
"I miss my admirer!"
buy me a tiara and some stars;
Sunday, April 04, 2004
16 hours of sleep and that's still not enough to keep me going. thanks to jac's msg which played an important role in waking me up this morning. urgh. i still sleepy la.... i've got eight cuts on my legs from washing the toilet. Eight. you see that big auspicious 8?! man. to think i dont even do housework at home. let alone washing the toilet during camp. im a lil tanner now. *smiles. was tanning la. slightly burnt on my shoulder. pipi. you owe me money. lol. alrights. heading for town later. getting a bag and maybe a hair cut. some easter eggs on the way too. lol. my mum's just so cranky, i simply love her. easter eggs, for crying out loud. e.a.s.t.e.r. e.g.g.s?! okay. she's back with my shoe. =) oh lucky me, good friday falls on my birthday. urgh.
buy me a tiara and some stars;
Saturday, April 03, 2004
F is friends who do stuff together. U is for u and me. N is for n-ni-where, anytime at all down here in the deep blue sea.....! I know.. the song doesnt suit the mood of my blog. AT ALL. lol
First things first, alpha camp was a blast. ah.... we're all starting to miss camp already. Got super high during campfire. lol. it was the best la. though i thought our item really, really sucked. hid behind the whole group and sat down beside tanya. blahahaha. just didnt know where to hide my face man. ahhhh.......! my left arm's gonna rot. oh no.. will be left with no arm seh. haha. no la. it's a joke. cause yesterday.. after bathing, walked past Andrew. they were practising their campfire item la. they were doing spongebob.- obviously right.. what other lame stuff can mr. pipi come out with... "xi de guo dong, xi de dong, xin de dong!" --then.. i started shouting "Oh... Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?! Spongebob squarepants!!" ah.. then all my big mouth's fault. he grabbed my arm la.. say what i so enthu, go and join Andrew. -andrew not enthu?- then after he let go.. i said my arm's gonna rot. so that's how the whole rotting thing came about. buhahaha. lame la, i know. didn't sleep last night. our clique were in the canteen.. with mr.pipi. and the rotting thing can to life again. lol. he showed us this paper this girl gave him.. the paper's like so lan. then i say i write one for you in blood la. okay my fault again. he wanted to bite my finger. twinnie say later your finger oso rot. then i'll be left with no arm. lol. damn funny la. all i know is patrina hates him. haha. should have taped down pat's expression during the bonnie song! funny seh. but he's nice la.. maybe only i feel that way... hmm. dont know la. i know he very nice to me. lol. i dont know why so dont ask. he's always disturbing me with the pipipipipi~.. pi! whistle cheer. stupid ass. make me shake head till i dizzy. in the canteen oso make me shake infront of everyone. i sporting mahs. but wait.. at least he say i not bad. i must say more.. jac will be jealous wor. that ass keep teasing me can. say what someone got admirer keep winking at you huh. everytime stare at you. what the FUCK.-so shuang. 3days never say- he stare at me like i can stop him like that.. asshole. whahaha! who's melacca? buahaha! damn funny. leen always kanna from et. lol. then i always kanna from icy. im sleepy~ my camp shirt's nice.. everyone agreed la. cause i did something to it. lol. did the same thing for natalie.... SOH to be exact. lol. okay la, just some form of appreciation. then did the thing for icy. see, im so nice. lol. since he asked so i did it. haha. actually told him that one letter 5 bucks. then design.. one stroke, 1 buck. haha. then he was like forget it. thank me man. i did it for free.... man. today wash toilet.. scrub toilet fool till my arm aching. then got 2 cuts on my knee. jac got one long one after hitting into the water cooler. didnt realise the cut was there till some time later. fuah laus. it was my first time washing toilet seh. but not bad for a first timer. cause i was the only one scrubbing like mad. others were like standing around.. "So dirty.." dirty then scrub la.. as simple as that. i scrub and scrub.. ha! it's clean. ah. so satisfied with myself seh. cause amanda dont do washing and anything that has to do with cleaning and house chores. but then again, i was some what of a clean freak la.. if you ask me to clean something.. then i will clean i till it's super clean. cause cannot stand seeing something dirty. but never mind la.. we clean toilet.. mei mei's group cheered. haha. thanks anyway. okay. natalie's like me. wild. lol. thought attai and icy those kind dont know this kinda stuff one.. but hey.. they suprised me. lol. icy knows alot of people call him gay. saw it on his friendster. attai... haha. she didnt know what it meant la. but told her yesterday. man.. she really got potential to be attai can. a not bad looking one some more. then.. we sat and talked yesterday.. and she asked who's the wildest among all of you. then EVERYONE looked at me can. i where got wild?! okay la. i scold teacher. i vandalise. i stole. i got dc before. i go to parties. i sing out loud whenever i want. i say what i have on mind. i experiment on my own hair.. i wanna get a tattoo but no cash. what else.. i.. can spend money like water. but i also know what's saving. i dont care what others think of me.. err. cant think of anymore. but.. that's not wild okay. it's just........ self-confidence. ha! self-confidence okay. so shut up. im not wild.period. end of story. all in all, alpha camp was a blast and we all wished we could go back in time. lol. that's how fun alpha camp is. trust me. it's fun. for a person like me who hates camps said it was fun.. you have to believe me. those who didnt go missed out la. im glad i did. today's devotion was nice. merry singing. it's so beautiful.
buy me a tiara and some stars;
Thursday, April 01, 2004
alpha camp's like a few hours later. lol. and im here blogging. just got home not long ago... watched the eye2. it was totally crap. nope, not scary at all. wanna catch in the mirror, the johnny depp movie and the day after tomorrow. three super cool shows. imagine the amount of cash i'll be spending on those. lol.
okay.. something happened in class. shan elabourate. i didnt do it. period. end of story. and *e***, i know something. you dont have to act infront of me. but never mind, if you choose to do so.. i cant do anything. i'll just take it that nothing happened at all. but seriously, i think you crossed the line a little too much. if one of your so called closet friend were to do it to you. you'll be so blardy hurt. and i am right now. fucking hurt. and so fucked up. but, never mind. it's okay. at least i learnt a lesson. guess god must have his reasons. i shall not ask. i'll close the chapter here, now. it's a bad bad episode that should be erased. thanks for the early birthday pressie hun. you've done a fucking good job. no flaws at all. thanks for being such a hypocrite. thanks alot.
and i know.. i cant trust anyone anymore. even myself.
buy me a tiara and some stars;
_amanda:
coded 12;
her king;
swirlies;
glitter;
stars;
tortisefamily.
